Have you ever been scared because something came out of you that you didn't know you had in you?
After all the
Thanksgiving fun,
a good bitter John Cusak movie and a
major cleaning frenzy with my
housemate, I decided to at least try to be productive and so I started on a
Mixed Media art project I'd been meaning to get to for a long time. The
result was something I'd been gestating ever since I saw
Requiem for a Dream three weeks ago. It was a
scream. I felt like I'd been suppressing a scream for weeks, but I still didn't know that this was what it was going to sound like. It still scares the shit out of me when I look over at it, taped to my wall and almost as big as me.
The result is an expansion on something I drew in my
sketchbook back when the
wound first opened. A
silent girl with hair on her face and her eyes
downcast, her face merging into and placed beside the
scream. The
scream, a
featureless figure with mouth wide open, torn with pain.
How could you do this HOW could you do this How could YOU DO THIS!?!??!!? And then the words started falling out to match the way this felt and to fill the
ground beside the figures.
FUCK NO FUCK NO FUCK NO spilled out. It was the only thing that came to mind.
So
FUCK NO it is.
And this isn't it. Oh no. This feels like a fucking
series. I can't even tell if I like the
piece or not, but there it is,
ugly and incredible as it is, and asking for
more.
Where the hell did that come from?
Oh, and my
parents didn't even call or email to say happy holidays.
Not really sure how I feel about that one either.