The Cave Man explains to the Witch that he helps teens. He helps them buy and work on cars. And he helps them with girls. "I tell them, pick your Cars and girls carefully. You want good memories."
The Witch is at happy hour in the shop, with the Cave Man and Mo. She's had some time to think about his teen counseling. "So," she says, "I am having trouble with the pick your Cars and girls thing. Are Cars and girls are the same thing? You take one for a test drive, maybe own it for a while, lust after it?"
"You do not Understand Men." says Cave Man. Mo nods, eyes like dinner plates. Nobody argues with Cave Man in His Cave.
"Yeah, I sure as fuck don't." said the Witch. "Do you talk to them about birth control and sexually transmitted diseases?"
"That is what their Parents are For." says Cave Man.
Mo is starting to temporize a bit. "I can see both sides." Mo writes Poetry. He is married, like, don't fucking make assumptions that he's gay just because he fucking writes poetry. And see? He's Cave Man's Friend. So he's a Man. Even though he has two kids and the guys give him shit about whether his wife will let him keep Coming to Men's Night.
"Oh, bull." said the Witch. "So you think their parents aren't telling them about Cars and girls, but are telling them about birth control and sexually transmitted disease? Riiiiight." They argue until the Witch cries, just like a girl. However, as usual grief makes her furious and she back fists Cave Man. She taps his cheek very nicely. Mo jumps. Holy shit, thinks Mo.
The Witch runs off in the woods through it barefoot for a while and returns. She is still crying.
"You Hit Me." says Cave Man.
"Hit me back," snarls the Witch.
"No." says the Cave Man. He is the Epitome of Control.
"I barely tapped you," says the Witch. Actually it was a beautifully controlled tap, appropriate to sparring. Inappropriate since they weren't sparring and she has been drinking saki and hitting isn't fair since he outweighs her by 100 pounds and could probably smack her through the shop wall.
"You Hit Me." says Cave Man. Mo is silent, absorbed, insane.
"I am sorry." says the Witch, crying. "I am ashamed that I hit you." Course, even though she is ashamed, she wonders why it landed since he's poured scorn over her tai kwan do brown belt and explained that he was a Kick Boxer and had trained with a second generation Bruce Lee student. Fucking ought to know how to duck. Maybe he's drunk, thinks the Witch. She is certainly a bit drunk on sake. She is also lying through her teeth. Part of her is ashamed but more of her enjoyed tapping him with the back fist, he is being an Asshole and she still thinks he is fucking wrong about linking Cars and girls.
She agrees that he does help teens. He mentors them with cars. She admires that. But women are not at the shed and are clearly not welcome. The Cave Man almost never says anything about women. She has only heard him mention 5 women ever and everything he says about them is negative. Except he did say that one of them was good at her job painting boats.
"What about gay guys? You say Cars and girls. Do you say Cars and boys to the girls? Shouldn't you say Cars and sex if that's what you mean, so that you are not leaving the gay guys out in the cold?" The Witch keeps bitching.
"You are a woman. You do not Understand Men." says Cave Man. "Man does not Change what he says."
"That's because Man is a Moron," shouts the Witch.
Mo intervenes. "We appreciate you talking to us about this. It is Brave. We are willing to have Serious Discussions with woman. "
One at a time and only if you gang up on them, thinks the Witch. And Cave Man has already said he won't change what he says. Moron.
"This is a Safe Place, this Shed with Cave Man." says Mo.
"SAFE!" yells the Witch, "Fucking SAFE? This is not a Safe Place for ME! I fucking watch my fucking tongue every minute here! I don't feel safe telling you what I think!"
"This is a Safe Place." says the Cave Man.
In your dreams, thinks the Witch. You'd fucking burn me alive if you knew half of what I was thinking. Fuck that shit, play along. At least it's interesting, this Shed. I was bored. And he's made a vow not to be in a relationship. How entertaining. The Witch cries about not feeling safe, and she really doesn't feel safe. The Cave Man sheds Manly Tears as well. Wow, thinks the Witch. She returns to apologizing for hitting him. Mo comforts everyone. She wonders what his poems will be like next week. She writes poems too but she is not Published and doesn't have a Website. She is also a mere Brown Belt. And a girl. Fuck, everything against her in the competitive Shed Cave. She goes along with being Bad for Hitting, being a woman who does not Understand Men, being a mere Brown Belt. At least she doesn't faint at the fucking sight of blood. There is bound to be more entertainment potential here, she thinks. She clearly doesn't understand "Man", at least these ones. And they clearly don't understand her. Not a safe space, but she doesn't really care.