Ok, mindfulness is mainstream now.
I know, because I bought a TIME Special Edition: MINDFULNESS: The new science of health and happiness at QFC two days ago for $13.99. I know it will fix my life.
The cover has a woman, caucasian, blond and young and slim, with closed eyes. Her head is tilted back slightly. She is made up. Her blond hair is slightly disheveled and blowing back from her face, a bit longer than shoulder length. She's wearing a tank top, bare arms. No cleavage and no nipple action, hey, this is about HEALTH.
Oh, goody. I am gonna look JUST LIKE THAT when I finish reading it.
First, I page through and look at the pictures. Hey! Ethnic! There are some african american people, asian, and Yoda is on page 53. No one is over 30 except Yoda, Pat Morita and some guy with a salt and pepper mustache on page 54 with Jeff Bridges. HEY there actually ARE two WOMEN over 30: Arianna Huffington and Michelle Obama on page 69, in the company of Richard Branson and a photo Mark Zuckerburg's grey t-shirts lined up in his closet.
Page 68 stands out the first time through: In fashionable GREEN text in the middle of the page: "Many billionaires say the first thing they do each day is meditate and seek answers to the big questions in life."
Oh, wow. So I will be a billionaire when I am mindful and get my photo up with these "successful" older people in the magazine, if it doesn't make me younger and beautiful. Hey, I am down with seeking those big answers in life. Show me the money. Hey, does TIME pay those rich people for letting them run the photo of the grey t-shirts in the closet? Mark Zuckerberg, dude, way to score on the more money shit. You don't even bother to have them use your face. Just your grey t-shirts on hangers. Who hangs t-shirts on hangers? WTF?
I read. Page 14, PURPLE text in the center of the page. "Consistency in mindfulness matters more than all-or-nothing, built-to-fail extremes. It's a lifelong project."
Fuck. Sounds like work. But.... billionaires do it. Though come to think of it, they pee and shit too. When will we have the TIME Special Edition: PEE AND SHIT LIKE A BILLIONAIRE. I have the impression that Japan has the most elaborate fetishes going on there, but I could be wrong.
There is one cute toddler in it, some children doing yoga, and a bunch of 20-somethings on cell phones. There is not one fat, obese or morbidly obese person in the whole thing. Clearly mindfulness melts fat. Or fat people can't do it. I'm not sure. I'm hoping for the former. Actually buddha seems pretty round in pictures, come to think of it, he has a belly. On page 63 they have a bunch of "Monks of the Wushu Training Center in Henan Province, China," all perched in that crosslegged meditation sitting thing on a cliff. Huh. None of them are fat or old. Guess nowadays thin buddhism is a thing.
That's the chapter called "The Faith Factor". Ok. I have faith this will make me thin as well as a billionaire. Go, me.
Ok, so like, this is gonna take some time to read. I'll get back to you when I finish it....yeah, the TIME one on Michael Jackson was great too.