...What I'm having right now.
No, seriously. Within the past... let's see... three weeks,
- I've been pregnant (Well, okay, I technically knew that for a month or so, but who's counting?)
- My boyfriend at the time went from Nice Guy to Asshole in about three minutes flat, and damn near insisted I get an abortion, OR ELSE.
- I got the abortion on Halloween, and now feel absolutely guilty as all sin.
- Found out a couple of days after that, that the man I've been in love with (Love, hah, what the hell), and sleeping with for the past ten months has had a girlfriend the whole time.
- Found out today that said guy and girlfriend are going to get married. Two days from now.
If I said I didn't care, I would be
lying through my teeth. Nothing can be done, but the feeling of someone trampling on your heart like that, especially after something as
emotional as an abortion (well, at least in my case, maybe I'm just making a big deal out of nothing), especially in such a short time, leaves me
entirely out of breath, and entirely in the mood to go
drive my car off a cliff. No, I'm not gonna do it, I'm not that drastic, but my persona is VERY FUCKING
FRAGILE, and I've just been smashed to a thousand pieces. All I can do is sit here and
hypervenilate. What's next? Is my father going to die? My sister? Am I going to find out I have some
strange fatal disease? I mean, what the hell? Come on,
World, I'm at my absolute fucking lowest point, let's see what else we can throw my way.
Give me your best fucking shot.
And people tell me that I'm the strongest person that they know. People tell me over and over how
impressed they are with my attitude on life.
You call this strength? All I can do now is sit here, gasping for breath, running to the bathroom to puke, and sobbing out every single liquid inside me. I'm making a fucking big deal, I know that, but... jesus, this is killing me. I don't know how much more I can take here. I'm easily bruised, I'm easily hurt, and I'm not as strong as people like to think I am.
Go ahead,
you two. Go on.
I'm happy for you, really.