I remember when
left was
left, and
right was
right. For the first time in a long time,
I feel like dying.
I love my life, but hate it all the same.
I don't get it anymore.
I just want to cry. I can't even do that. I cried on
New Year's eve, but.. I needed a lot of
liquor to do that. Same with
after Gameworks.
I love the people in my life, but sometimes it is so hard. It hurts so much. To watch beautiful creatures self-destruct. I don't
know. Fuck.
I just don't know what to do anymore.
I want to go insane, I want to loose it, I want to break under the pressure. I can't hurt those I love
though, too many of them are leaning on me to break.
I feel so helpless, I don't know what to do. I used to curse my apathy, now I curse my awareness. Why me? I don't know why not either.
Zen..
heh.
All the beautiful memories and feelings and love it has brought me.. my emotional openness, and perception.. I have had pain and sorrow. I am not saying it isn't fair, I
just don't know if I can keep going on like this.