I am sick of people placing blame, instead of taking responsibility for their actions. Especially when they displace blame onto other things, and then try to act like a victim.
I am on this support list for people with eating disorders
. I don't really go their much, because it's nauseating. People are either trying to compete for the worst eating disorder, or to see who can be the most "sympathetic, and understanding".. but it's all saccrine.
It makes me kind of sick. These girls yell about how one who had a eating problem, can never diet again. How about moderation? They say things like "my family/boyfriend/society drove me to starve myself" .. no.. fuck that.. Did society take your finger and shove it down your throat til you puked? Get a spine, get some self-worth.
I was chastsied because my problem with eating was, I did it because I wanted to wear smaller clothes. It wasn't to please a boyfriend, gain control in a world gone mad, or an attempt to disapear. I didn't do it to cause pity, or gain the attention of parents who I felt were neglectful. I just wanted a smaller waist. I didn't do it til I was a waif
, my life was never in danger.. I used it to maintain my weight. That was my objective
The funny part is, I am considered a "bad seed" around that place. My sister put it best.. "I've lived life as a fat person, I've lived life as a thin one.. and it's just a hell of a lot easier when your thin". It's true. I dunno, I guess it pisses me off that they looked at me with disdain because I took responsibility for what I was doing, and I did it in a controlled way (yes, I know not the best way), and that I didn't have any hidden motives, nor was I crying martyr, or "victim". This all had to do with my own idea of perfection and acheiving it. I was the cause. I was the one who starved myself, no one/nothing but me.
At least I am strong enough to say it, I'm not proud of what I've done.. but I'm proud of not hiding any part of who I am, or what I've done. In life, I have made many mistakes.. but I learned lessons.. therefore regret is something I don't feel about anything.