I went for a walk in the rain the other night. A couple of cars passed me but as I turned the last corner one of my neighbors stopped. The first thing my neighbor said to me was that I looked happy. Perhaps the best course of action would have been to smile politely but it was therapeutic to talk about what's been going on in my life. Working two part time jobs has been stressful. My children have been enrolled in a day camp not far from where we live. One of the counselors is a college student from our neighborhood. Knowing that my children are getting good care from nurturing people gives me peace of mind when I'm stuck at work dealing with people who may get writeups of their own one day.

Getting legally separated is a goal I'm moving towards. I have the paperwork. I've signed off on the separation document, the only thing left to complete is the parenting plan. Growing up I thought having a house of my own would make me happy. Since I've been staying with my little sisters I've had an opportunity to step back and view things from a different perspective. Living out of a suitcase for the past couple of weeks has made me realize that physical possessions weigh you down. Most of the things I have don't add to my life and they have a tendency to separate me from the things that do matter in life.

What I want now is a place to call my own. A place where I can spend time with my girls, eat the foods that I like and I'll never be free from passive-aggressive people who withhold approval and affection from me but I was thinking about what my neighbor said the other day. I am a happier person when I'm able to live my life the self-actualizing way I want to live it. Thanks to everyone who has been supportive during this time of change. I came back from a two week E2 break to find "miss you" messages in my inbox and even a shimmering star from someone I didn't know cared. That meant a lot to me just as some of the people reading this are meaningful to me.


June 25, 2009: Parenting plan completed, separation paperwork is currently at the Jefferson County Courthouse awaiting review.

June 30, 2009: I ruined my shoes walking in the rain. Perhaps I needed the walk more than I needed the shoes. My copy of the signed separation paperwork arrived in the mail.