Not Alarmed

Man and his obviously pregnant wife are in bed together. His chest is bare and his left wrist is wrapped in gauze.

Woman sits up with an effort and puts a hand on his arm.

Woman: “Please, don’t go to work today.”

Man: "Believe me, I’d rather stay home but I’ve got a ton of lot of shit to do. Something wrong?”

Woman: “No, not really. Have a good day.”

Man: “It’s just, we really need the money what with the baby coming. I really need to go to work today... I still love you, you okay?”

Woman: “I’m fine. I’m, just…. I’m just hormonal and, you’re right, you should go to work.”

*Man  stands up. He bends down to kiss her. The alarm clock goes off and he hurls it across the room. He picks his cell phone up off the nightstand and starts dialing.

Man: “Dave, it’s Jack. Sorry but I won’t be able to make it in today… No, it's personal. I can't explain it but that's the deal. Thanks. Bye."

Woman: I'm so scared."

Man: "Yeah, me too but I'm here. Things are gonna be okay, you'll see."

*Man puts his head down on top of hers.

The End.



Lady cat is sitting on a bistro style table. Stray cat swaggers by. He leans against a nearby garbage can and starts grooming himself.

Stray cat: “Hey Lady, coffee, tea or me?”

Lady cat: “You can keep on walking Mister Stray cat. I got no tail for you.”

Stray cat: “Aw, come on sugar.”

Lady cat: “Lie down with the dogs, come up with fleas.”

Stray cat: “I saw your friend Princess the other day.”

Lady cat: “She’s late too.”

Stray cat: “She’s meeting you?”

Lady cat: “We’re friends.”

Stray cat: “Good friends? Close friends? Intimate friends?”

Lady cat: “Don’t you ever think about anything besides getting laid?”

Stray cat: “I think about you.”

Lady cat: “I think about you going away.”

Stray cat: “Give me a kiss and I’ll leave you alone.”

*Lady cat blows Stray cat a kiss.

Stray cat: “You missed. Guess that means you want me to stay.”

Lady cat: “You mean all I have to do is kiss you and you’ll leave me alone for good?”

Stray cat: “That’s it Lady doll. One kiss will prove that you have no affection for me whatsoever.”

Lady cat: “A kiss is an expression of affection Stray cat. Not kissing you would mean I have no affection for you whatsoever.”

Stray cat: “So don’t kiss me.”

Lady cat: “Ha. if I would have known a kiss was the way to get rid of you I’d have kissed you long ago. Ages ago. Eons. An eter…”

Stray cat: “So what are you waiting for?”

Lady cat: “It's a logistics problem Stray cat. I'm over here and you're over there.”

*Stray cat jumps on top the table.

*Lady cat picks up his paw and kisses it before walking away with a swish of her tail.

The End.