Skipped my meds and feel better than I have in ages. Didn't realize how much my eyes and stomach hurt from the new meds that I don't feel are any better than what I had been taking previously. I have an appointment with my PA this Friday, but I think I'm going to call, I just called and explained the situation so hopefully I will hear back from someone soon. Marginal improvement in my mental health is not worth the toll the meds have been taking on my physical body. Today I am trying to catch up on housework that I've been neglecting. Got some dishes done, took a bath, dropped Jane off at school, went to the chiropractor, and will be picking Jill up early from school so she can go to the dentist.
Yesterday at my cousin's baby shower quite a few people asked about Jill. We have a difficult relationship and that's my fault. I wasn't loving and nurturing as a caregiver of hers. My own needs weren't being met so I didn't have extras left over for a baby who was challenging and her own person from day one. In many ways Jane is easier to deal with than Jill, my book 'When Feelings Don't Come Easy' has illuminated a lot of the damage done, I regret the way I behaved, but know that the only thing to do is go forward instead of spending too much time living in my head or dwelling on the past. Dustyblue reminded me of The Day I traded my mom in for a robot, I had forgotten I had written that, going back was tough, but I'm glad I'm taking action instead of just worrying so much about all of this. Cutting this short so I can get some things done and lie down for a while. Didn't take any sleep meds last night so I tossed and turned, but I'm glad my body had the medication break. Looking forward to more of that in the future...