What's Wrong With You?
Players:
WOMAN: talking to her mother on the telephone
MAN1: talking to MAN2
MAN2: talking to MAN1
Scene: WOMAN and MAN1 have just broken up. WOMAN is talking to her mother on the phone while MAN1 talks to MAN2. While WOMAN is lit, MAN1 and MAN2 are unlit and frozen and vice versa.
WOMAN is sitting on a couch looking at a photograph while MAN1 and MAN2 are sitting in chairs (presumably in front of a television set. The TV is not necessary, only that MAN1 and MAN2 not be directly facing one another). Each man is holding a bottle or can of beer.
Lights come up on WOMAN.
WOMAN: Mom, what am I going to do? We were together for almost three months! GIRL sobs. He was tall, and strong, and dependable. How am I going to get to my classes...or the store? There's just no point anymore. He was all I had. We went out every weekend, ate dinner together every night; we were always together.
Lights go down on WOMAN and come up on MAN1 and MAN2.
MAN1: ...and when she wanted me to quit smoking, I thought it was only for health reasons. I had no idea how many things were wrong with me!
MAN2: But quitting smoking *has* made you healthier, and you're not with her any more. Don't you have another girlfriend anyway?
MAN1: Yeah, Tami's great. Of course, we've only been seeing each other for a couple weeks. Hopefully she won't find so many things wrong with me.
MAN2: (jokingly) Of course she will. More even!
Lights go down on MAN1 and MAN2 and lights come up on WOMAN.
WOMAN: Yeah, I think I'd like to come home this weekend. Maybe we can go shopping? Or get some ice cream and catch a movie? I just want to feel better.
Lights go down on WOMAN and come up on MAN1 and MAN2.
MAN1: I don't know how you can want to be with her. You saw what she did to me.
MAN2: Whatever, man. I'll cut her loose if she tries to change me, but until then, somebody's better than nobody, you know?
MAN1: You've got that right. Now, if I could just get Tami to quit calling me when she doesn't have anything to say, she'd be perfect.
MAN2: Hey, there's always something to fix, right?
Lights go down on MAN1 and MAN2 and lights come up on WOMAN.
WOMAN: It's just so hard. He quit smoking. I finally convinced him to wear the nice shirts that I bought for him, and I got his annoying friend to quit coming by so much...
WOMAN: ...I was almost done fixing him.
Lights come up on MAN1 and MAN2 as WOMAN says "fixing him."
MAN1: I should be able to fix her in no time.
Lights go down