January 14, 2001 (idea)

Ok. It's 3. It's sunday. I haven't done anything this weekend. I've got 9 hours left. What am I going to do? I don't even know my options. Maybe if I had them listed out in front of me, it would be so much easier.

I guess I should go study. BBL.

Ok, so I have to be up in 6 hours, so I'll keep this short. I didn't do much today anyway.

I wasted the morning by sleeping until noon, then I wasted the afternoon by sitting around trying to decide what to do today, instead of actually doing something.

I went to the gym at about 7:00 and spent an hour there, burning 750 calories or so. I came back home and consumed that amount of calories in about 5 minutes. At least it cancelled out a meal. My weight was back up 2 pounds. Looks like I've got no excuse not to go to the gym every night this week. I've got nothing to do...

I spent the rest of the night on IRC #everything and scanning in old documents so I can get them organized in files and throw most of the paper away. I came across some old photos of myself, as well as my mom and grandmother. I came across a really awful photo ID of myself, where I was really not prepared for a picture. Bad hair day doesn't even begin to describe it. I came across a picture of me and my mom when I was 4 years old. My mom looked so much different back then; she was only about 22 then.

I didn't get a call back from Sara. I didn't get an email from her either, as she did last time I left her voice mail. It's strange because I didn't get any mailing list email nor spam today. I wonder if there's a problem at our mail server. Anyway, I'm really starting to feel let down and left out. I suppose it's ironic that the last time I had any positive feedback from her was on our date to watch Cast Away.

I'm going to try to call her again tomorrow night. I'm tired of being down. This is like an emotional roller coaster. No wonder so many people isolate themselves from these situations. It's like they're afraid of the thrill ride that is part of being emotionally attached to someone. I don't care, I'm holding on with white knuckles and riding it out. The highs are just too good to give it up for the lows.

Wow, I'm becoming optimistic. Scary.

Sleep now.