the politics of sex are a difficult minefield we each have to learn to navigate, and nowhere more so than in the area of
oral sex. Here's the truth as I see it:
Social Mores
I have a theory about the way some of this anti-oral-sex culture evolved. A lot of the mythos and especially the slang around sex clearly evolved in not just a more puritanical or victorian time, but in a more misogynistic, homophobic time. A time when it was in men's best survival interest to contextually divorce themselves from all things female or queer. That would explain why our most forceful slang is anti-female (ie, cunt, bitch, slut) or generically anti-having-sex-with-men (ie, that blows, that sucks, cocksucker).
I can imagine that this sort of slang could flourish in a world of strong gender roles, especially in the whole cult of women's domesticity era of the 50's. After all, if the genders are socially divided, who's to get upset if one gender's slang is demeaning to another?
What I don't understand, then, is why this kind of slang has persisted into a time when there's less distance between the genders; a time when it can do serious harm to sex. Guys, don't you realize that every time you use the term sucks cock as an insult, you're making it that less likely that yours will be sucked freely and joyously? Gals, don't you realize that everytime you use the word prick as an insult, you're lowering the likelihood that your next lover will be an artist at fucking you with his?
Of Reciprocality and Enthusiasm
Here, I have to agree with Kiyo-hime. I've been burned by having a lover or two who were in all other respects reasonable men, but who considered receiving oral sex a sacrament, but giving oral sex a boring chore. Now as a result of those experiences I'm strictly, if you will, a tit-for-tat sort of girl. More tit than tat, actually. Like millions of other women, I don't orgasm strictly from penis-in-vagina sex, but do quite readily during oral sex. Given that I've never had a partner who didn't enjoy orgasms from PIV sex, it seems that the spirit of reciprocity would eventually result in my receiving more oral sex than I give.
However, that sensible imbalance in actual numbers doesn't excuse a lack of enthusiasm on anyone's part. I don't understand people who sully sex with unhappiness. To put it succintly: If you have issues with what's going on in the bedroom, talk first, then have sex.
Of Taste and Swallowing
I'll be the first to confess: I rarely swallow. It's not the taste, it's the texture. Semen is designed to start out fluid and become viscous and gloppy. All the better to ensure that the post-ejaculation tide moves towards rather than away from the egg. This is brillant biology when it's happening in the womb of a woman who wishes to become pregnant; it's kind of neat to watch when it's contained in a condom.... but it's distinctly unappealing when it's happening on the back of my throat.
I don't consider this an absurd position to take. We accept the premise that our bodies naturally produce substances that are unappetizing. This is one of them. Most men I know use the same line of reasoning to beg off of giving oral sex to a menstruating partner, without feeling that they're making any commentary about the woman's overall desirability in the process.
I'll be adding more to this later...