As anyone who has had an
orgasm can tell you, they do not exist entirely in your
head. The rush of
fresh air to your
lungs, the numbing of all
pain, the waves going over you whole
body... Indeed, an orgasm is more than a
mental feeling, however the ability to have one is almost entirely in your
head.
Ebbixx describes a process of mind over body, yet that is true for any natural function, including that of
pleasure.
For a lot of
women (and men too), the
ability to have an
orgasm (a
meaningful,
pleasurable one) is oftentimes hindered by them not being
comfortable for one reason or another. Oftentimes getting in the
mood, or keeping your mind on task is very
difficult, especially in stressful times. Several tips to make sure that your night of firey passion doesn't
fizzle awkwardly:
- Foreplay: I know this has been said a million times, but it really does work. Guys, pay attention to your woman: tell them the little things that you love about them, the small things they do that drive you crazy, and what makes them amazingly sexy.
- Focus: Sex is a chant on many levels: physically with the rhythm of both of your bodies, and emotionally with your thoughts. If you are losing focus, try to surround yourself with thoughts of your significant other. Let the physical pleasures be a sort of background noise to a loving experience. Having your mind on the stock market or work won't bring you to orgasm*, but your partner's embrace will. If you masturbate, try to do so while thinking about your car keys; it's not going to happen.*
- Take your time: There is no need why it needs to be over. An orgasm is not a means to an end (but if you are lucky, it's the means to several more). Take your time, and let things happen. Being playful won't kill the mood, it will wonderfully agonize you both into going longer
- Comfort: This is the number one thing, that would hinder an orgasm for either party. Are you relaxed? This is more a problem for women than men (many men orgasm faster when they are not relaxed). Are you comfortable with your partner? Bad sex is usually the first sign of something going wrong in a relationship; it's hard to tell your body to put on a happy face and keep on going. Are you comfortable with yourself? It's okay, everyone was new at it at one point. Just take it easy, and let things happen as they are supposed to (or not supposed to). Orgasms are easier with each time, as you get used to the situation, and the person you are with.
Pleasure and
intimacy, which (in my experience) are more important than a brief
sexual release, are
anchored in your
feelings and
emotions. Without the proper frame of mind, the experience will only be one tenth of what it really could be. No matter what you do, to get away from the
closeness an orgasm brings, is really a
shame; you are missing out on a lot of
satisfaction,
spiritually, and
physically.
* If any of you have a comment on those points, I'm not going there.