he helped me pick out a vanilla scented candle once. i didn't even really want a candle, i wasn't even going to buy it but just the way he picked it up and made it sound like the greatest thing he'd ever smelled.. and he'd always be there, every time we went to the grocery store, i can only remember a handful of times he wasn't there.

we wouldn't believe, last night. pretended it wasn't true to save ourselves the evening, i guess. i still don't want to believe it.. it doesn't make sense and it makes too much sense and why is it like that, that you can be talking and feeling and breathing one day and then nothing. just gone. i'm sure it isn't supposed to be like that because i don't want it to be.

it's not that i knew him that well.. just that i knew him well enough to love the way he moved through life. and they just had a baby and he has two other little kids and can we talk to someone somewhere because i don't think they took the right person this time.. do they ever take the right person..

is it ever the right person?

i'll miss you. give 'em hell up there, rick.

two children were killed five or ten minutes from here, yesterday, too. i can feel them in the air around this place. too much death, too close..