I had one of the most terrible
LSD trips possible, most likely because I didn't dose myself correctly.
I had taken the
drug before, a more reasonable amount, and enjoyed it... so this time the
paranoia and complete loss of identity was a nasty shock.
The only way I can describe the experience is as a dissolving of myself and my way of thinking, which was confusing and frightening and meant me screaming in the back of my (no longer hahaha) friend's car... in the beginning I was fine of course, and then I became rather confused as to where I was (out with a pack of my friend's friends who I was not acquainted with) and then I became paranoid because I kept hearing cop radios everywhere and seeing flashing lights (in my head), and then I began forgetting who the people around me were and just what was going on anyways?
The problem was I could only keep one thing in my mind at time, so I decided it prudent to keep up a steady stream of questions (phrased as panicked demands) just to figure out of what I should be doing at the moment and where I was and if the cops were there, but each time someone gave me an answer I would forget it and another question would replace it. I seemed stuck in an unsolvable puzzle:
Am I in danger? If so, I should get myself home. But where am I? Could someone drive me? Would I be a burden to drive home? Wait, who can drive? Who else is on LSD? Ok then, whose drunk? I am freaking out? I am so sorry. Wait. Am I in danger?
I became rampantly sexist, starting crying because I thought my girlfriend should be there (although she lives in Spain) and basically turned into a small child. For a while I lost all concept of time, and my past and present kind of melded together and events of my life and everything that had ever been important to me (family, grades, lovers) all lost any kind of linear quality and just existed all at once in a kind of shifting pattern which I couldn't shut out, and I remember trying to open or close my eyes and not being able to alter the strange pattern hallucination of what my "life" was, and I remember trying to die and upon realizing that I couldn't do so by just wanting to, concluding that this was how my perception of life had always been and that's how it always would be and there was no such thing as life or death and existence would continue for ever(logical I know).
When the effects started to wear off I regained the memory that my thinking process had been different before, and I decided that I had made myself insane for life which made me very sad but I decided I couldn't change it. After a while I realized that my hallucination had changed of one from a shifting pattern to that of a car window, and my friend and the other inhabitants of the car were demanding directions to my house. Hmmm. That began to clue me in that I did not live in my own alternate universe. A pity that I couldn't seem to string syllables together to answer their queries (I ended up out of embarrassment just getting out of the car and taking random busses until I ended up downtown at 7 in the morning, and from there I found my way home. The embarrassment didn’t stop the next day though. Too bad).
My conclusion: Hmmm let people who are smarter than you determine your LSD dosage? Be smart in general about taking drugs? The thing is I should have known that anyways.