Sometimes the pressure I put on myself is a good thing. It can fuel some sort of motivation I might have to get something done. And there's a common and practical belief held that if you only expect the best out of yourself, that's all you'll ever get.
Sometimes it's just discouraging though. Sometimes by criticizing every idea that comes to mind I'm really selling myself short. Because I'm not giving myself an opportunity to explore those possibilities, and I don't give myself a chance. The more I think about it, the more likely a chance it has to grow into something meaningful. But I don't. Too often I'll just ignore it for its imperfection. Of course it's going to be imperfect as a fresh concept, but I can't ever seem to let myself get past that sometimes. In anything that really matters, and especially in the arts, you're really not being fair to yourself by being too self-critical.
I always was that annoying guy who you'd like to see help himself just one time, but that can never seem to follow his own advice. We all hate that guy.
I think if I ever want to get past the drawing board I have to learn to get along with myself in a way, and not be so judgemental and critical of my own ideas. And to tolerate my creativity and to give my ideas a chance.
I just hope it'll get better as I keep trying. Because I really want to give composition a shot. But it feels like I haven't quite broken the surface yet. I'll keep trying.
But it's just that I'm really starting to get tired of myself.