This isn't a silly node about
suicide, just a thought or two about my general
worthiness in life.
I'm 5'9", and
nothing special to look at. I work as a
web developer, which isn't famed for being a taxing or particularly good job. I'm also a
student, doing a pretty simple implementation of a
Computer Science degree and an average
university in a
northern dull town.
I'm probably not the
world's best lover, nor the world's best
conversationalist, nor the world's best
socializer, or will be the
world's best father. I'm just an average
chap, and that
kinda scares me.
While I don't believe in
fate, sometimes I can't help thinking that
I must be here for a reason, whichkinda leaves me confused. If I am, then what is it?
It reminds me of the
Culture novel
Use of Weapons, where Cheradenine
Zakalwe is sitting at a table having a drink in a
GSV. A man comes up and wipes his table, which surprises
Zakalwe, as
The Culture is a
hedonisic utopian society where no-one is made to do anything and wiping tables isn't everyone's idea of a
good time.
The man goes on to explain that his main job is to help interpret
religeous scrolls and artifacts, but he wipes tables so he can see the smile in their faces, and can tell that he has made a difference to their day.
Now I wish that I could see smiles on people's faces when I
node...