Different cultures define failure in different ways. However, regardless of how they define it, the longer you spend within that culture, the more classical conditioning makes you feel depressed when you meet that culture's definition of failure.
If a society is ruled by an aristocracy, then the artistocracy decides who is a failure. Those who are great at servicing the aristocracy will be given a lot of money, and they will be considered a success.
Overcoming this conditioning isn't enough, because the aristocracy controls the system. It isn't enough that you no longer believe you are a failure - as long as the artistocracy claims you have failed, you cannot survive in the society they control. They will make you starve until you start servicing them.