How to Give and Receive Compliments
”You have beautiful eyes.” “That sweater looks really good at you.” “C!” “That was the best sex EVER!” “Your baby is so cute!” “Your code is so well written” “Your mom is hot!” (OK, maybe not)
GIVING
If you can think of something nice to say, say it.
There is only one rule: DON’T LIE! People can smell it. But give compliments often. It is OK to be a compliment slut; it does no harm and tons of good.
Compliments do not mean commitment.
People appreciate being liked, and will like you back.
Particularly praise people that don’t get praised too often; the overweight secretary with the beautiful skin; the shy kid on the playground... everyone deserves a compliment.
RECEIVING
Let’s face it: you love them. It’s great to hear how wonderful you are; our egos are consistantly starved. But getting a compliment leaves us with the awkward need to say something. Letting a compliment hang in the air is uncomfortable; the air seems to hiss with static silence.
-First and foremost, thank the person. This is not optional.
-If something genuinely pops out to you as being great about the other person, tell them. DO NOT scan your complimentor for something to throw back at them. More importantly, DO NOT make anything up. In general people can tell when you are lying, and it will only make someone feel worse about themselves.
Balding man (to Woman): You have beautiful hair.
Woman: Thanks… you too…
You see, blindly returning a compliment has very serious side effects! It is best to simply say “Thank you!” for now, and compliment your friend whenever there is something fitting to say.
If you find that you must immediately follow up a compliment with another, try and pick a different feature. For example:
Balding man (to Woman): You have beautiful hair.
Woman: Thanks so much! What cologne are you wearing? You smell really good!
This response is far more earnest than the first one; and as an added bonus, it takes the conversation away from hair, which could make the man feel self-conscious.
Seriously, this node is about noticing the good in people. Everyone has positive characteristics and negative ones; by noticing other people’s positive traits, you show others your positive side. It is beneficial to both parties involved.