Monologue Rough Draft
January 1 2012 @ 6:09 p.m. - Today was intense with my last clients. I could really feel the frustrations they felt. I can only be there to listen, and I try so hard to introduce to them ways to turn their life in a different direction. It really bothers me when a client comes back for a session yet shows no signs of trust or openness. I really care for my client's. The things that they are able to survive are incredibly honourable, and it pains me to know that they are struggling. I can see that the ideas that I introduce to them are new entirely. Change can take a long time, and sometimes I feel like I am being dragged through the process for a lot of different people. Because I share nothing of myself with my client's, I can sometimes feel like a stranger. Their lives are a lot to digest. I find that this time is really precious to me. Today I feel especially upset with their progress, and I’m excited to escape for a while. Friends of mine tell me that Jamaica is an especially nice place to visit and relax. I’m really contemplating booking a flight and escaping for a while. I can always just leave my client's to go on without me. They do show that they are incredibly resilient.
*takes out bikini*
This color is so lovely. It’s a peacock blue with gold seams. Imagine how I’ll look in it! I can just taste the salt water now, and feel the breeze going through my hair. Oooh, and I know I’ll be at the salon and spa quite often. The deep tissue massage is to die for! When I visited Rome Italy last month I saw a lot of beautiful sculptures and the famous coliseum. It was so beautiful and dreamy there. They have a very rich culture and history. Travelling always makes me feel better.
*sits back down*
The pressure that I feel from this profession makes me have feelings of ambiguity. I love helping others, but I suffer through it. I have contemplated changing careers. It is incredibly hard to deal with my client's well being constantly being in danger. When I was younger and studying, I devoted myself to the progress of humanity, I wanted to find a way for people to understand their lives. I had a lot of encouragement. Of course a large reason for this is because I happen to be Sigmund Freud’s daughter. He expected me to walk in his footsteps, and continue his legacy. He would tell me success stories about his clients, how he had helped and guided many people through periods of upheaval. He had helped so many uncover the lessons in their lives, as well as mine. If I was to resign, it would leave behind a very negative name for me and my father. He worked his whole life in order to bring peace to these troubled people’s lives. I myself was always fascinated with his theories, and I once wanted to make as significant change in psychology like he did. Now, here I am planning on trying to forget about these people that I care about so dearly. How can I be so selfish!?
No one ever wanted to know how I was doing or where I was in my life. No one considered I might be struggling. I did for a long time, and I have had to come to terms with it myself. There were times when I felt like there would be no way I could carry a legacy as big as my fathers. My only motivation was to merely survive and make it through the life that was handed to me. A lot of times I am scorned for not trying hard enough; I haven’t coughed up quite enough theories, or I haven’t had a break through epiphany. My writing skills are constantly under scrutiny. Any accident I conjure is frowned upon. My daily life is almost entirely devoted to work, and it gets draining through the day. This time for myself is sacred, without it I know I would not be sane. I think I need to become a stronger person for my client's. They need me to show them that a little courage can really go a long way. I could never blame them for how I feel. I understand that this is the life I chose for myself, my fathers legacy is important to me. I have been doing this for ten years, and although earlier on the criticism was tough to endure I came out more of an authentic person. I cherish the lessons that I've learned, and I am in love with learning more. It makes me happy to be able to pass on what I know to other people.
*Looks at the bikini*
I suppose I’ll have to put this away for now. I’ll have to rethink when the appropriate time for vacation is. I suppose the everyday regular worker goes on vacation every winter and summer. I can live with that. I can take small breaks for myself more often. I realise I do spend a lot of time thinking very heavily about the issues my client's bring up. If I could just relax a little I think my day would be smoother. I am a qualified psychologist after all, I’m trained to helped a lot of troubled people lead happy healthy lives. I’m sure I can help my client’s, no matter what, because although it may seem that I am just a successful and prominent psychologist I have still been through enough to learn a lot about life.
*gets an idea*
Ah! This is incredible! I just got a fabulous idea for a book that I’m going to start writing. It should be called: Go After Your Dreams!. It will be a smash hit and I’ll get credit for how hard I work. It will hold all the keys to success and happiness. I can just see myself glossing the cover of a magazine and making a breakthrough. I hope it will help all the frustrated people in the world. I really do care. I know it looks like I just want to escape and vacation all the time, but I’ve never been so inspired! Everyone will see that this book will be a break through. I do work hard! This will conclude my recording session; I’ll have to get started on writing now. Last note: My father would be proud of me.