This place is not appropriate for
bitching about my
love life (or lack thereof). But heck, no place is, and all my
friends to whom I tried to talk tried to
understand me and
sympathize... and
failed.
Today is my ex-girlfriend's birthday. ("ex" since June 1, 2000; yes, I noded about that too) In an attempt to be polite, I called her to say "Happy birthday"; I was hoping that I'd be able to do just that, say "Happy birthday", and then excuse myself with dignity and hang up. I couldn't do it. We talked for 40 minutes, and I could neither be polite nor keep my dignity...
She talked to me about her newly found boyfriend. (Ok, I asked for it) And she sounded so happy! I could imagine her finding comfort in someone else's arms; it was a long distance relationship after all, I had done it before, and so had she. I can't, however, imagine her loving somebody else, and being happy and excited about this. And given that, in a few months' time, she will move far from her current location, she effectively dumped me for another long distance relationship.
We talked about long distance relationships, and whether ours would have had any kind of future. Hell, we both knew the answer. Definitely not, but the feeling of ignoring every call to reason and still pursuing a dream was exhilarating and wonderful...
And I told her I would most probably not call her again, ever. I wish I could. But every night I dream of her; every morning I hug my pillow remembering the times when we slept in each other's arms. I remember every moment we spent together, every time we made love, every time we kissed, every time we talked, every time we fought. I so much wish there was a way to turn back time...
Now I should go and try to sleep, but I can't. I'll try to keep myself busy, either noding, hanging around in #everything or playing Tetrinet.
I might have lost her, but I gained you; it was our breakup that made me come back to Everything and start noding on a regular basis. I met a bunch of really cool people in here. Thank you all for listening...