I am so bummed out, people. I have to have a hysterectomy at some point soon. I really don't think I should put it off for too long. I have this massive growth inside of me that is pushing my organs aside and squishing them. So it's not good. And there is a remote chance it's cancerous.

So I'm scared, I'm sad, and I'm disappointed. There is so much I want to do this summer - make new friends, finish my car and join in the AVRAM and Artscape festivities in early July. I want to go camping at Assateague Island, I've already got reservations for Labor Day weekend. I want to be outside as much as possible.

I want to finish my kitchen floor, scraping and sanding, and doing SOMETHING to it. Like maybe varnish and paint it with spirals and a cool pattern, I don't know. Art is exploding in my brain, my fingers burn to let it out. I don't care anymore what people think of it - half of it anyway, and I want to explore the private side too.

I went to yoga last night and couldn't do some of the poses cause the teacher said, "Don't do this next one if you're pregnant". And my uterus is the size of a woman who is in her second trimester of pregnancy. The tumor is 9 centimeters, the uterus is 15. I don't really know what that means, that's just what the doctor said. Anyway, it's supposed to be positioned below my pubic bone, half the size of my fist, and it's 2 inches short of my belly button, and huge. .

I'm trying not to freak out but I am!!! I don't feel the need for a second opinion any longer. It's smushing my bladder so I have to constantly go to the bathroom, and smashing into the tubes that run from my kidneys to my bladder so I have some condition called water on the kidneys. Nothing to really worry about, it's just like being pregnant! Great.