He never forgave her unholy alliance: a sexual encounter with a kitchen appliance.
(idea) by disgruntledwren (print) Tuesday, July 22, 2003 at 20:05:09 UTC
(From The Melancholy Death of Oyster Boy and Other Stories.)
Okay my little bon bons. I'm out of here. If you need to contact me then you probably don't want to message me. Email me at my school address: (DEE) is gruntled (double-U) ren AT hotmail.com
In school I'm Box ***, _______ Hall, Richmond, ZZ, 54321 (X0X-321-4321 for phone). The other stuff will be the same crap below where ever it might be. Who fucking cares, right?
THE ANSWERING MACHINE WILL PICK UP ALWAYS. THIS MEANS MY MAGIC BRAIN SCAN WON'T WORK UNLESS YOU LEAVE A MESSAGE AND THEN THERE WILL BE NONE OF THE TALKING AND THE YELLING AND HANGING UP. Also... other things.
Whatever. I have this great idea for a new dildo. You have no idea how awesome it is. YOU WILL NEVER KNOW. And other stories.
Fuck this shit. LEAVE A FUCKING MESSAGE. How many times? HOW MANY TIMES? LEAVE IT. LEAVE THE MESSAGE. LEAVE IT FOR ME.
I can take good care of your juicy, provocative, and sensual titties.
(idea) by disgruntledwren (print) Thursday, May 8, 2003 at 5:38:20 UTC
My home phone number is X0X-321-9876. The answering machine always picks up.
disgruntledwren: So save up your bullshit.
disgruntledwren: And wait until Sunday.
disgruntledwren: And you can write it all down and send it to me in a letter.
disgruntledwren: That I'll leave in the ditch by the mailbox.
Needless to say, I will miss you guys with all my heart.
I'll miss saying things like "I'll get right on top of that because quality and your happiness are important to me." Yes. Send me messages about typos from writeups from over a year ago. It is likely that's the first time it has ever been brought to my attention and I obviously really really care. I want you to help me help you. Show me the money. You had me at hello.
I don't know why you guys don't want me as a mentor. I'm a shining example of success on E2. I still haven't earned by that 500 xp for using the auto-voter to downvote TheDeadGuy. Yeah. You remember that don't you, sweetie?
I hope the neighbors shoot me this time. I hope I get in a car accident or finally get drunk in the tub and pass out into the warm water never to wake up again. I want to die with unshaved legs, the book "Blow," and a glass of Maker's Mark. When I finally get the hang of driving I'm going to run over all the fucking dogs on the road and leave their rotting carcasses hanging from the grill.
I have goals because I want to grow as a person and experience new things. I want friends, family, and rewarding employment. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE. Just one more cellphone commercial. Please. One more credit card offer. JUST ONE MORE CAR INSURANCE AD.
They started running a commercial about this school. They mentioned the athletics but not the sodomy, rape, and murders. Yes. Don't mention the arsonist. I'm going to have to get a cab for a super special liquor store trip. "Coping" they call it.
I'll be back in August. Smooches.
8852 Sunset Boulevard
(idea) by disgruntledwren (print) Monday, May 5, 2003 at 17:43:13 UTC
Naaaaaaaaaaaaaaame that location. God I had the longest dream last night. It seemed like it lasted forever. I kept waking up and going back to sleep into the same dream. Dr. Benway was there. There were so many nurses they looked like petals.
So anyway. I'm going to start packing. That works out okay. Everyone should write to me because if you don't I'll never talk to you again. I hold grudges even if I have to write them down on post-it notes. I am going home on Friday or Saturday depending on when I can get someone to help me move my stuff.
I hope I wasn't sleep walking because I wasn't wearing pants.
I might have to delete Dead People Don't Knock but it's because I will be submitting it to a place. Between you and me. Don't tell. It's not a serious thing it's just for a class. I think I will try one of those African American Gay and Lesbian Bodybuilding magazines. I pretty much have to make sure nothing gets published, right?
I didn't know the guy from Fantasy Island offed himself. Tattoo. Whatever, so. In my dream everything was so dark and comfortable. Like in the afternoon when it's still morning cool and the world seems very small and good like an overstuffed couch. But it was Rome, you know? Near the end.
That is all.
He's kinda lonely, but he seems peaceful about it.
(idea) by disgruntledwren (print) Tuesday, April 29, 2003 at 18:14:04 UTC
He's going to die but he doesn't seem to mind. Not today anyway.
So. I've been kind of putting this off, but I figure I should start getting things in order anyway. You know how it is. After next Friday, maybe a little sooner, I'm going to be going home. I have no internet access there so everything will be left up to phone and snail mail. I will not be back for about three months even. My home address is:
N2 ____ StreetIf it makes you feel better you can print out the sent email and mail it to me. I will welcome all mail and write back in my usual fashion. I'll also have a lot of the ink paintings if anyone wants one. I'm moving out so I have to take them all down. I have some good trees and whatnot. Normal letter size only though because even though I got my permit I have to pass the test next 23rd to get the license. So no post office. I have no car or insurance but hopefully this will all come together in some perfect moment.
____ Town, AA 54321
Two months I've got so I can go to that wedding. I want to drive myself somewhere at least.
Here comes the good part. If anyone wants a copy of the novel (unfinished) you should email me before the end of next week. I welcome all feedback and all on it so I can finish the first chapters and bring that all together before writing the end. I am so going to miss google for research. Anyway. If you want a copy I'll send one and you can snail mail me your feedback.
So. I had a dream that I was swimming in the sea and I couldn't get my head above the water. The waves kept sweeping over my head and choking me. So I let go and when I stopped fighting I could breath but I couldn't pull myself out. A woman came and she opened me up and showed me I had cancer. Pearls held to me with black threads. I was so sad. She told me that they were dragging me down. She handed me a pair of scissors and I cut the threads.
Naked Lunch is fucking with my mind. I guess that's the point and all. But Christ that's a difficult thing to swallow.
Anyway. So to recap:
-Atesh and Cletus are awesome.
-I'm going home and I'll have no internet access after next Friday.
-I will email out working copies of the novel for feedback.
-I want mail so I won't get lonely.
-I love John Belushi. Dan Aykroyd used to be hot.
-I have nightmares.
-I will put my home phone number up at the last minute if I remember.
-My dog Midget is awesome and I love her.
-I didn't do my homework.
There's a chance Adelphia will break down and hook us up with some old time cable and internettin' but they're cocksuckers and they want to make me miserable forever. Maybe the breaking down will happen. But between you and me, as a secret, I kind of look forward to a little r&r. The week of spring break really wasn't enough to clear my mind. That and I know I'm going to be really... fucked up so it's kind of better if I'll be alone.
Well, it's all in a day's work.
'Cause Daddy likes porno
(idea) by disgruntledwren (print) Thursday, April 24, 2003 at 14:13:26 UTC
And ten dollar whores.
Daddy gets wasted
And robs liquor stores
Daddy likes rubbing against
Little boys on the bus
I think that's why your mommy left us
Stephen Lynch. I always get a kick out of that. And he sings it pretty too.
Today I will take a cab over to the dmv and take the permit test again. My Mom seems determined to buy me a car so... something. So I can take all the money I get at the beginning of a semester to pay things off with and drive away. Far far away.
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/search-handle-url/index=books&field-author=House%2C%20Silas/102-0176599-1692943 That guy came to class yesterday. To talk to us about writing. He wrote Clay's Quilt and Parchment of Leaves. Everyone was nervous and he asked everyone who wanted to be a writer to hold their hand up. I didn't, just for the sake of argument. Oh man do I loathe that feeling. So much I use the world loathe instead of just hate.
One of his favorite authors is John Irving. I feel like I miss a little of it all though because I don't have the whole Appalachia thing going on. I don't know why people boil peanuts. Anyway. I wrote I think my finest essay on writer sluts. Readers. You have to say that like they're lepers.
Which pretty much applies everywhere now. Whenever I show people E2 I tell them that it used to be cool. I swear by that. "I swear it used to be cool." I say. The politics used to be amusing. The ocassional exodus. I swear by it. It was worth posting because sometimes the circle jerk up on high would turn away for a little and give the rest of the world a taste.
And another thing, your beer tastes like piss.
(idea) by disgruntledwren (print) Sunday, April 20, 2003 at 4:53:26 UTC
Well. It's that time of the year again.
I have made a list of things to do this year. I figured goals and all were a good thing. Of the three things I'm fairly sure I'll stick to at least the one about getting my hair all cut off. "Set the bar low" is my motto. This is the heavily edited version.
Feels like a hundred years. What have I done?
I failed the permit test. I learned to truly appreciated the movie Chinatown. I failed two classes. I got a new pair of pants. My second microwave. Private room for the first time. Did my homework naked. Reoccuring dream about getting my remote control back. Finished a 146 page first draft. At least a hundred ink paintings. Used two bottles of ink. Two spools of wire. Five rolls of electrical tape. One bottle of the now discontinued liquid electrical tape. A good five white cotton t-shirts. 10 barbies? 15? Finished 75% of Vice City.
Rediscovered pink lemonade. Lik-a-maid. Back on coffee, Earl Grey, and Mandarin Orange Spice. Vitamins. Not one room inspection violation maybe. I lost those scars on my leg. That's remarkable about this year. I read the classics. Candide, Clockwork Orange, Madame Bovary. Read The Prince again. Another Count of Monte Cristo. Memorized my favorite passage from the Jungle.
I came up with my best line for taking fake Papa John's orders yet. They say "Can I have..." and I wait and wait and then say "No." You should hear the hurt in their voices. They always ask why. Why can't I have my pizza? Such conviction, you wouldn't believe it. I wish I could make tapes.
This has been a good year for porn, all and all. Good for making and losing friends. Bad for roommates. Bad for R.A.s. Good for teachers. Not so good for librarians. When she gave my my change of 14 dollars in ones I got halfway through the "ready for the strip joint" joke before I realized that not only would I piss her off... but she'd probably fuck up my copies out of spite.
Gotta go brush the old zoobies and finish that book. That is all for this year.
(idea) by disgruntledwren (print) Sun October 14, 2001 at 22:06:32 UTC
Shorter and faster! New and Improved! Less of your messages will be sent to the catbox or gruntledwren!
New smooth plastic applicator. Available as tabs and liquid. Use as directed.
The Shallow End
(idea) by disgruntledwren (print) Sun October 14, 2001 at 22:06:32 UTC
AIM: disgruntledalice (might want to message me here too with this.)
Email: disgruntledwren AT hotmail.com ("E2" in the subject line.)
ICQ: 9443341 (If you want to try this just leave me a message, I check in sometimes.)
Weight Class: Junior Welterweight
Introduction to E2: karmaflux
Tales of MYSTERY and the UNEXPLAINED
(idea) by disgruntledwren (print) Thu November 1, 2001 at 16:12:55 UTC
(thing) by disgruntledwren (print) Wed October 17, 2001 at 02:21:40 UTC
This is for entertainment purposes only:
Experimental ( ? )
For the Avid WrenReader
(thing) by disgruntledwren (print) Wed October 10, 2001 at 00:10:01 UTC
War Emblem should've won the Triple Crown.
Courting the Killer
Node what you are. Started September 2001.Movies
Node memories you didn't make.Puter Games
Node your addiction.Rhapsody in Red
Node what keeps you sane.Glassware
Node what you love.The Lullaby
Node your gore.The Desert
Node your boredom.Fire
Node what gets you off.Daylogs
Node what wastes the day.
Wren Covers Her Ass
(idea) by disgruntledwren (print) Tuesday, September 3, 2002 at 13:56:13 UTC
All works created under the username disgruntledwren are the sole property of C. Kennedy and are not to be reproduced without permission.
Copyright © 2001-2002 C. Kennedy
All Rights Reserved
(idea) by disgruntledwren (print) Wed Oct 3 2001 at 03:39:27 UTC
For entertainment purposes only.