In hindsight, I realize that my chief mistake was confusing the persona I had created for the truth.
When I was 14, I decided to overhaul my personality. I made
myself over into a boisterous, loud, funny, wacky guy; the life of
the party. This was partly in response to the pressure to be
interesting I was feeling from entering High School. I am a naturally
quiet, contemplative person, given over to strange notions and
theories. This persona has been a loyal, devoted friend throughout
the years. It has allowed me to make friends easily and pushed me out
of my comfort zone.
For the past few years, this has not been enough. I forgot that no
personality is completely composed of positive traits. I am at turns
undependable, lazy, priggish, and cruel. I tell jokes at other's
expense, am overly credulous, procrastinate like mad. While my
friends have graduated and begun living adult lives, I am only now
graduating. I have little confidence and am experiencing bouts of
mania and depression. It is no longer merely enough to change my
habits; my personality must change as well.
Blueprint for a New Personality:
- I am heard never to curse, outside of mild oaths. "Dog gone it" is in heavy rotation.
- I must plan every moment of my day ahead of time. I enjoy adventure, but it must be planned.
- I can appear to be cold and distant, until you get to know me.
- I speak very little. Most of my communication is written.
- I am slightly embarrased by sexual conversation. I do not
judge, I will say. I just don't feel it necessary to discuss erotic
- I speak French.
- I do not finish things that do not interest me.
- I take some form of exercise every day.
- Until I was 18, I desired to be an undertaker.
- I spend less than 30 minutes a day online.
- I spend as little as possible, bordering on being a cheapskate.
- I am a pescatarian.
- I write something every single day.
- I never use the word ironic, even when it would apply.
- I do not criticise others or myself.
- I suffer from mild agoraphobia.
- I give concise compliments.
- I avoid sarcasm.
- My speech is absent filler words, umm, like, sorta completely absent.
- I make eye contact. All the time. Even when it is uncomfortable.
Those twenty points should be a good start. I can print them out,
and carry them in my pocket to peruse throughout the day. Over time, I
won't need the list and the changeover will be complete.