If It Were a Snake, It Would Have Bit Me (thing)
An idiom most often used in the Southern parts of the United States. Often heard when older men or women are searching in a general area, looking for a misplaced object. They search for a good while, only to find that the object was a few feet from them all the time. They pick it up, brush it off, grin and say:
"If it were a snake, it woulda' bit me."
This is because in the rural South snakes are a part of life. Everyone has at least one story about the time they were surprised by a rattler or a cottonmouth. My own grandmother uses this phrase often; each time she does I recall my run-in with a rattlesnake hidden behind her big-screen television. When I went to tell her, she grabbed a garden hoe, slid back the television, and cut its head off.
My kind of lady.