On the anniversary of Rachel's death,
My only record of Beth was destroyed.
It seems I am to live
Without proof of my pain.
Four years ago I began the spiral
That would lead me here
To a diner on Elkton
Alone and bitter,
Furious at the world,
Shaking my impotent fists
Like a high-schooler again,
At those pale walls.
Barring my entrance.
I tried to get in.
I wasn't strong or weak enough.
Too corporeal to pass.
I held too much blood.
I didn't cut deep enough.
It seemed I was to live.
The neon light outside says "Kids Eat Free"
They don't know, the kids
We went and grew up way too fast.
Way too frail to pass,
Too strung-out to fail.
Hell can't do us any harm,
Heaven won't have us.
So here we are-
The living fucking youth,
Fruit of the earth gone bad too quick.
Four years walking
Speaking and writing and fucking
And growing tired early.
I know full well that I miss the idea of you
More than I miss the actual you.
There wasn't really that much to us, was there?
Was it all in my head?
Am I that lost?
And were you the cost of my life?
Four years no tears have cost me,
And almost five since Beth was alive.
My father would say that I've wasted my time.