Where the hell does the time go? One minute I’m chasing skirts all over town with little or no success and the next thing you know I’m laying on the floor playing with my grandkids with a huge smile on my face. In retrospect, I guess I’ve lived a somewhat interesting life that has had its fair share of ups and downs. We probably all have our tales to tell. But for me, for an awful long time those downs certainly outnumbered the ups, or maybe it just seemed that way. After my recent family reunion I somehow feel a bit more refreshed and seem to have found a purpose that was missing for so long.

Next year, Anna goes off to college. Can you fuckin’ believe it cuz I sure can’t.

What follows is probably a bit self indulgent, (that’s why it’s being posted hidden and in a daylog, as it should be) and I hope I do Bruce some justice to his lyrics as I try to chronicle certain times and events that have shaped me and the person I’ve become. While some of them are fictional and some are based on real life events they’re all still a part of me.

Fuckin’ weird….

I stood stone-like at midnight,
suspended in my masquerade
I combed my hair till it was just right
and commanded the night brigade
I was open to pain and crossed by the rain
and I walked on a crooked crutch
I strolled all alone through a fallout zone
and come out with my soul untouched
I hid in the clouded wrath of the crowd,
but when they said, "Sit down," I stood up
Ooh... growin' up

My oldest daughter just sent me a link to some pictures that were taken while we were visiting last month. I opened them at work and had trouble holding back the tears. Whomever coined the phrase that you can’t make up for lost time sure nailed it. As I look at them for the umpteenth time I find myself wondering to what happened to all the years in between. How much had I missed during that time?

I find it some kind of strange miracle that my older kids can even begin to forgive me.

The flag of piracy flew from my mast,
my sails were set wing to wing
I had a jukebox graduate for a first mate,
she couldn't sail but she sure could sing
I pushed B-52 and bombed them with the blues
with my gear set stubborn on standing
I broke all the rules, strafed my old high school,
never once gave thought to landing
I hid in the clouded wrath of the crowd,
but when they said, "Come down," I threw up
Ooh... growin' up

Gawd, if I had to do it all over again I don’t know where I’d even begin. I’d probably get rid of the late 70’s and early 80’s when cocaine took precedence over almost everything. Today, I can’t fuckin’ believe what a stranglehold that shit had on my life and I’m still suffering from the aftershocks to this day. I wish I could chalk it off to the mistakes one makes in their youth but when I look at myself in the mirror I realize just who (whom?) I’d be kidding when I see my own image staring back at me.

I took month-long vacations in the stratosphere,
and you know it's really hard to hold your breath
I swear I lost everything I ever loved or feared,
I was the cosmic kid in full costume dress
Well, my feet they finally took root in the earth,
but I got me a nice little place in the stars
And I swear I found the key to the universe
in the engine of an old parked car
I hid in the mother breast of the crowd,
but when they said, "Pull down," I pulled up
Ooh... growin' up
Ooh... growin' up

Yeah Bruce, I first heard this tune when Greetings From Asbury Park came out somewhere around 1973 or so. We all used to listen to it as some kind of anthem to youth and maybe that’s what it was intended to be. Shit, we were both a lot younger then and had different things on our minds at the time. But somewhere along the line those lines shifted. Time ain't what it used to be and now when I hear it, it’s almost tinged with regret.

Maybe now I’m all grown up.

Maybe that’s the way it’s supposed to be.

Lyrics to “Growin’ Up” copyright by Bruce Springsteen and recorded on the album, yes album, “Greetings from Asbury Park, N.J." way back in 1973.