Kid A in Alphabet Land (thing)
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Kid A In Alphabet Land is a trading card set by Jacques Lacan, which was intended to be an introduction to Lacanian concepts and cultural references. However, as the introductory card to the set says it turned into "an abecedarian roller coaster ride through the phallocentric obscurantism of Jacques Lacan."
On each card there is a picture of a teenager on the skateboard with text wrapped around the picture; above the teenager is a heading, to the right is a paragraph of text, below is a logo for Kid A In Alphabet Land and then scattered in various areas are other texts. Although the trading cards themselves are now largely out of print, many electronic versions still exist on the Internet.A – Act
Heading: Kid A In Alphabet Land Assails Another Abject Abstraction - The Acrimonious Act!
Paragraph: How Can Anyone Bear You? You're Criminal! You Roar And Thunder Aphanisis, But There's A Corpse In Your Mouth! To You, I Say No - I Can Pass Right Through You!
Other: Ants scatter over the card.
B – Blot
Heading: Kid A In Alphabet Land Bashes Another Belligerent Beastie - The Bellicose Blot!
Paragraph: You Are The Small Hair On The Mole Of The Cheek Of A Beautiful Blonde, Whose Cold Indifference Promises The Most Passionate Pleasures! You Are That Thing Which Sticks Out! You Leave Something To Be Desired! Out, Damn Blot!
C – Commodity Fetish
Heading: Kid A In Alphabet Land Conquers Another Curious Curmudgeon - The Catty Commodity-Fetish!
Q: Wherefore Do Ye Spend Money For That Which Is Not Bread? And Your Labour For That Which Satisfieth Not?
A: Gentlemen Prefer Relations Between Things! Can't Get No Satisfaction? Charge It Against Your Symbolic Debt! How Many Barred Subjects Is That?
Other: Need An Intro To Lacan? Try The 4 Fun Cons Of Psycho Analysis!
D – Death Drive
Heading: Kid A In Alphabet Land Duels Another Dastardly Desire - The Demonic Death Drive!
Paragraph: You Break With The Cycle Of Birth, Death And Re-Birth, In Favor Of A Fantasy Of Radical Annihilation, To Create A New Order Ex Nihilio! You Call Yourself Thanatos, But You Are Desire In Its Purest Form, Eros Deformed And Masked! Take This Suicide Solution, Death Drive!
E – Ego Ideal
Heading: Kid A In Alphabet Land Eradicates Another Entropied Enema- The Eclipsed Ego-Ideal!
Paragraph: Resistance Is Useless! Who Am I To Disagree? I Am Here To Discipline And Punish! Here's Another Tool For Your Arsenal (A Sexual History, Of A Kind) - I'll Give You Aids!
Other: Remember, Kids - Beware Unwrapped Gifts!
F – Father
Heading: Kid A In Alphabet Land Fumigates Another Furious Foe - The Ferocious Father!
Paragraph: Is That Your Penis Or Your Anus? It's Your Phallus, 'Cause You're A Phallacy, You Philanderer! You Were Always Such A Mother-Fucker, But You Know That, Don't You? Dad, You're Dead!
G – Gaze
Heading: Kid A In Alphabet Land Gouges Another Gruesome Gorgon - The Ghoulish Gaze!
Other: A huge eyeball.
H – Hysteric
Heading: Kid A In Alphabet Land Harangues Another Hapless Hoax - The Hysterical Hysteric!
Paragraph: You Poor Little Thing - You Can't Help Yourself, Can You? Here, Let Me Help You - I'd So Enjoy A Helping! Of Course, You Lack Paternal Support - But Not So Much That You Can't Afford My Fees! Have You Considered Doing Something About That Nose Of Yours?
I – Imaginary
Heading: Kid A In Alphabet Land Incinerates Another Insufferable Irritant - The Insouciant Imaginary!
Paragraph: "You're Imaginary!" Said Kid A.
"This Is Easy...All Too Easy..." The Kid Thought, "Is It Only A Matter Of Time Before They See Through My Thin Veneer?..."
Other: Remember: Not Fraud, but Freud!
J – Jouissance
Heading: Kid A In Alphabet Land Jumps Another Juicy 'Jaculator - That Jerk-Off, Jouissance!
Paragraph: You Displease Me, And You Think I Gain Pleasure From That! Heh! You Must Take Me For Some Masochistic Francophile! And You're The Substance I'm Paid With By My Lack Of Substance? You're Impossible! I'm Coming To Get You! - Fuck You, Jouissance!
K – Kapital
Heading: Kid A In Alphabet Land Kaptures Another Kinky Konformist - That Kopious Ko-Opter, Kapital!
Paragraph: Haven't You Expired Yet From Your Internal Contradictions? You're Late! To Think, The Masses Could Throw Off The Oppressive Yoke Of Kapitalist Social Production For The Circuitous Chain Of Desiring-Production! Kwik! Sell Me A Rope!
Other: Teen idol to the masses!
L – Letter
Heading: Kid A In Alphabet Land Licks Another Larcenous Lurker - The Lecherous Letter!
Paragraph: A Letter Always Arrives At Its Destination - And Wherever You Go, There You Are! Your Keys Are Always In The Last Place You Look, Too! Fort, Duh.
M – Mirror Stage
Heading: Kid A In Alphabet Land Mauls Another Masked Marauder - The Malicious Mirror Stage!
Paragraph: You Deliver Mortals From The Prematurity Of Birth, Only To Lead Them To The Madness Of Language, The Sickness Of Reason, And The Nightmare Of History! Not To Mention Libidinal Alienation! The Mirror Stage Is For The Birds!
N – Name
Heading: Kid A In Alphabet Land Neuters Another Noxious Ne'er-Do-Well - The Notorious Name!
Paragraph: What's In A Name? You Think Yourself A Tower Of Strength, But In Time, You, Too, Shall Be Cut Off - Because You Refer To Nothing, But Nothing! I Deny You, Father, And Refuse Your Name!
O – Other
Heading: Kid A In Alphabet Land Obliterates Another Obstinate Opponent - The Obnoxious Other!
Paragraph: You're Not My Brother - You're Another, Like Any Other! You Had Better Take Cover, 'Cuz If I Have My Druthers, You I Will Smother! - After I Take You As A Lover!
P – Phallus
Heading: Kid A In Alphabet Land Pacifies Another Pernicious Persona - The Phony Phallus!
Paragraph: You're An Abominable Erection! You Demand To Be Raised To The Level Of Signifier, But You Need To Be Veiled, To Hide What You Haven't Got! Wouldn't You Like It Both Ways! But By Making The Woman Rigid, You Make Her Frigid! Humph! You're Only So Much Meat!
Other: Various outlines of the Eiffel Tower.
Q – Qua
Heading: Kid A In Alphabet Land Quells Another Questionable Quantity - The Quotidian Qua!
Paragraph: You Mask Yourself, And Those Around You, By Appearing To Be That Which You Are: A Word Which Has Meaning! But You Denote Only To Connote! You Are More Dangerous Than The Dreaded "Pedagogy"! Begone, Pretentious As!
R – Real
Heading: Kid A In Alphabet Land Rousts Another Reprobate Ruffian - The Rotten Real!
Paragraph: If It's Over You I Constantly Stumble, It's Only Because I've Already Struck You Down! But You Enjoy These Strokes During Our Encounters, Yes? Touché!
Other: The Intrusion Of The Real Extrudes Reality Into Another Dimension
S – Super Signifier
Heading: See The Super Signifier, Psychically Structuring Space So Subtly And Sublimely. Should Said Signifier Suddenly Shift - Shazam! Shit.
Paragraph: You Are That Which Is More Than Yourself; Two Bodies In One, And An Anchor To Boot! You Are Subtle In Ways Nobody Realizes Until - Phew! - You Release Your Fetid Odor!
T – Thing
Heading: Kid A In Alphabet Land Trounces Another Two-Ton Travesty - The Traumatic Thing!
Paragraph: It's A Freudian Thing - You Wouldn't Understand.
U – Unheimlich
Heading: Kid A In Alphabet Land Undermines Another Uncouth Usurper - The Unsavory Unheimlich!
Paragraph: I Could Just Wish You Dead, Which Would Surely Be A Means To An End, But Not Yours! It's Déjà Vu All Over Again! Ha! You're Just A Disagreeable Bit Of Reality I've Dined On Before! Choke On This, Unheimlich!
Other: Can He Can The Uncanny?
V – Voice
Heading: Kid A In Alphabet Land Vanquishes Another Vacuous Vagrant - The Vacillating Voice!
Paragraph: Wouldn't I Like To Shove A Bone Down Your Throat - But You've Already Got One Stuck Down It! Don't Get All Choked Up - Just Spit It Out! I Wanna Hear You Scream! But Once You Regain Your Faculties, And Rid Yourself Of That Foreign Body, All You'll Scream Is No! A Vox On Your First Born!
Other: Kid A is dressed as Charlie Chaplin.
W – Woman
Heading: Kid A In Alphabet Land Wallops Another Wayward Wench - The Wanton Woman!
Paragraph: Wouldn't I Like To Whack You - But Isn't That What You Want! You Fill Out The Lack In Man! You Are The Ideal Partner With Whom The Sexual Relationship Is Finally Realized - Not! Hmph! The Woman Doesn't Exist!
X – Xenophobe
Heading: Kid A In Alphabet Land Expels Another X-Rated Expatriate - The Exasperating Xenophobe!
Paragraph: You're A Nationalist, But I'm A Rationalist! I Disapprove Of What You Say, And I'll Defend To The Death My Right To Kill You For It! Better Watch Out, Or I'll Hack You With My PC! Get Outta Here!
Other: Fortune: If Kid A Did Not Exist, It Would Be Necessary To Invent Him.
Y – Yew
Heading: Kid A In Alphabet Land Yerks Another Yahweh-Loving Yahoo - The Yiddish-Speaking Yew!
Paragraph: Trees Cause Pollution!
Z – Z-Man
Heading: Kid A In Alphabet Land Zaps Another Zuper Zero - The Zany Z-Man!
Paragraph: Am I Your Illegitimate Spawn, Or Are You My Illegitimate Father? Who Gives A Shit? You Say That If I Truly Loved You, I Would Mutilate You - But That Is Your Desire, Not Mine, For I Was Never Your Disciple, And Will Not Take Your Discipline! If I've Imposed Upon You, It's Only Because You're An Impostor - You Know Nothing! You Cannot Separate Me From My Desire!
There are four other cards in the set: the introduction, the endorsement, about the authors, and a check list. Of these only the endorsement has anything worthwhile written on it. The endorsement says:
"Sometimes even I have trouble understanding my own repo job of Freudian psychoanalysis. But, thanks to Kid A In Alphabet Land, I'm able to tell my father's name apart from, say, an upholstery button, and still have time to play checkers and Parcheesi with the Paris intellectual community!"