December 1, 2009 (place)
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With the Tenth Anniversary of E2 upon us, a lot of people have been talking about everything2, and, unsurprisingly, how it's been around for ten years. But also, they've been talking about Michael Jackson, probably just because he just died, but that has little to do with E2 and it's 10th Anniv. or lazy use of abbreviations.
But people, and some intelligent animals, have also been pondering E2's future. This is mostly because every second that goes by is another second of E2's future becoming E2's present the next second, and in the next E2's past. But apart from that whole issue, mostly when discussing E2's future, people are talking about at least 24 hours from now and beyond, because trying to ponder the next second of the future but then all of a sudden it's the past, that would get quite maddening, so we buffer that pondering, of course, by at least a day.
Anyway, among all the talk about the quality of the writing here, David Hasselhoff, new user retention, water retention, and other retentions, as well as detentions, people have been making analogies about everything2, and how it compares to other things in our lives, important things. Like mashed potatoes for example. Maybe it's because in America we just ate about five tons of it last Thursday, or maybe it's because of our obsession with Things that are Mashed (like music genres, for example; for example, gangsta rap and country is a wildly popular one). Now before you get all confused at me comparing E2 to mashed potatoes, I promise you that you will see by the end of this writeup where I'm going with this and exactly what I mean by that.
First of all, mashed potatoes are really soft and mushy, unlike it's hard and crunchy origins. To get it mashy, one must skin and cut into chunks regular potatoes, and boil them. But before you're ready to load the mashed potatoes into your mashed potato serving squeeze gun, you must, well, mash them. You could smash them I guess, but then you'd have to tell your guests that you are serving smashed potatoes and not mashed, which could be quite embarassing. Mashing is done by taking beaters to them when they're boiled nice and soft, adding some butter, milk, or other cow-related products to the mix. You must get them nice and soft and smooth and free of lumps, kind of like Megan Fox's backside until she gets old, or your guests will complain.
OK but what does this have to do with E2? Hang with me, I'm getting there.
Mashed potatoes, like most food-like concoctions, are best served and eaten hot, like Megan Fox's backside. One thing not to do with mashed potatoes, no matter how strong the urge might be, is take the big bowl of it you're about to set down on the table and fling them up into the ceiling fan (which you have on high). Trust me, that is a Very Bad Idea. You must also resist the urge to put them inside other orifices besides your mouth, like your ears, and other parts that I will not mention, like vaginas.
The point is, there are many dangers to mashed potatoes to go along with the many pleasures of it. They can even be deadly. That's right. During a food fight, if you fling mashed potatoes at somebody, it can indeed injure or kill. That is, if you put bullets in them. And then maybe put those bullets in a gun, and then shoot the person. Also, mashed potatoes can be poisonous, provided that you put some poison in them.
But one more thing about mashed potatoes, probably the most important thing about mashed potatoes, one thing that most people overlook, is that Megan Fox is hot, except for her toe-thumbs.
Anyway, remember that promise I made near the beginning of this writeup? Well, sorry, but not keeping promises is one of the many faults that I have, of which there are many.
Ahh, man, as I was thinking of this writeup last night, I laughed myself to tears. And then the baby Jesus came to me and said "Shut the hell up, it's almost Christmas you Norwegian moron!" Sheesh, I can't believe he thinks I'm Norwegian. I've never even been to Norwegia.
*Sigh*... Good times, good times.