You’re lying in bed, trying to get to sleep so that you don’t get depressed because that’s what happens. It’s been a long day; sub-consciously you hope tomorrow will be a better day, but consciously you doubt it. And you’re just thinking...
...You’re thinking about this country and the sad state it’s in....
...You’re thinking about that dream you’ve had about three or four times since you were a kid; the one where you and two unidentified people are running from some horrendous noise, and you’re all halfway across the lake when you can’t move, frozen in time, but the noise is coming closer. What could it mean?...
...You’re thinking about how your life has just been a series of disappointments...
...And how after just about fifteen minutes of talking to him earlier that day, you had come to the conclusion that a friend of yours is fucking the girl that you like (who actually called you three years ago to ask you out and you said yes, but you two never went out on a date but never broke up either; does that mean that you and her are still together?, where you in the first place?)...
...You’re getting real angry, angry like you’ve never felt before, and you don’t know who you want to hit, him or her, or yourself...
...You begin to feel your heartbeat in your fists and you just don’t know what to do...
...Finally you decide on yourself because you’re the only one there. You figure that the only way to end the pain is to make it worse; the only way to end the pain is to stop it now. So you’re thinking suicide.
You try to add up how many times you’ve felt this way, but you keep losing count. You’re thinking suffocation. You can’t put a pillow case over your head because you don’t use one, so you try to hold your breath...
...It’s been about thirteen seconds and you have to breathe, and when you finally do inhale you receive enough air to make almost make you puke. You try again, the same thing happens. Your body just won’t let you die. You place yourself face down on your pillow. The same thing, after a few seconds your body can’t take it and involuntarily turns itself over. You know a suicide failure isn’t a failure at all, but you try one last time because if this time it‘s successful, it’ll be enough attempts for a lifetime...
...Again, nothing. But you’ve lost enough oxygen to give you a headache, and you see stars, or are they flowers? And you realize that they can be anything, it just depends on how you look at them...
...And just as your eyes begin to shut, you ask yourself; “why didn’t I simply get a plastic bag?”.