/msg content_editors Hey, this is a message for the whole administration: Is there anything planned for April fool's day? if not there really should be.



I'm sorry.

I was sitting in my chair, noding, and I thought, "Hey, wouldn't it be cool if E2 could do something for 4/1?" After all, April Fools Day is the only holiday that's celebrated across all religions and most countries[1]. I thought it would be cool to say that E2 has been sold. I even wrote a press release from the fictitous First Post News Network:


Everything2 Reorganizing

FP-- Due to the recent economic recession in the technology sector, Blockstackers Intergalactic is filing for bankruptcy. The company's popular website, Everything2, is undergoing reorganization.

     "It's a damn shame." says Ryan Postma, known to the website's users as 'dem bones.' "All this work, down the toilet. I mean, it would be one thing if it was just Slashdot- nobody reads that rag anyway. But this is E2, man. I mean, it's everything! What am I going to do with my life? I've never been outside for more than thirty minutes, I've never had a real job. Are you guys hiring? Do you need a copy editor or something?"

     But Dem Bones is not the only one affected by the closing of the software company. Thousands of Everything2 users worldwide are now left "nodeless", as one user put it. We interviewed Evan, an everything2 user, at him at his home in Illinois.

     "I've spent my adolesence there. E2 taught me so much about life- how to laugh, how to cry, how to love. Everything2 had the greatest people. The catbox [sic] was always full of people I felt I could talk to. I don't even have any real life friends anymore. It was E2, all the way. Now with BSI closing, I might not have E2 anymore. It's a damn shame."

     What Evan doesn't know is that there might be a future for this so-called Internet Community. Obtrude Textiles, a manufacturer of fine handkercheif products, has put down a bid of $48 for the site. CEO of Obtrude Mike Oxlong met with FP news.

"We're interested on starting a website on that innernet thing. And my little brother's friend Jessica- she's one of these 'noders' or whatever. So anyway, she tells me that this Anything2 has a writeup about Handkercheifs, and it's going out of business, so I says, 'how much." I gets a call from this Nathan guy- nice kid- and he says fer me to make him an offer. So I say, fifty bucks. And he says, 'throw in a handkercheif.' So I says, a handkercheif'll be two bucks for you, just like everyone else. So he says, ok, and gives me an address and a username. My name's Looniechick or somethin."

     The new, reorganized Everything2 will go online this Sunday, with a variety of new features. Under obtrude leadership, Everything2 will be changed from a multiuser, collaborative encyclopediac database on the sum of all knowledge of the human race to a multiuser, collaborative encyclopediac database on the sum of all handkercheif related information.

     "The administration is furious." Team Jet-Poop is a group of seven people who go by a collective house name, made of their initials. "The seven of us have joined together with the rest of the fifty or so adminitrators and editors, as well as the Collective Eye, in protest. We refuse to edit this new Handkerbase, as they call it. We just have better things to do. Like promote facial tissues. Did you know that tissues are not only more enviromentally friendly than handkercheifs, they're also cheaper and more sanitary?" The seven team members continued drawing plans for what appeared to be the word "KLEENEX" in skywriting.

     The new administrative editor, Hugh G. Rection, has big plans for Everything2.

     "The last group of ninnies had this thing called XP. It was a great idea, but it was underimplemented. We plan on setting up a secure interface where you can purchase XP, buy Everything2 products with it, and use it to play these neat games, like Page Invaders and Whack-A-Troll. See, in this one, you play as this guy, Dman, and you eat this little power dots- we call them 'Liberals'- and you're chased by these little ghosts around this maze.

"Actually, there's tons of money to be made off of this Everything2 thing. We've got a deal going through with Pepsi-Co to sell an Everything2 flavored soda... it's called 'nodegel.' Yeah, I know, it's not a very appitizing name, but it's just a preliminary thing. We'll change it to something cool like Flav-o-goop as soon as the license expires. It's pretty good... Jukka flavored, whatever the hell that is."


Well, anyway, I guess it kind of got out of hand. I wasn't here for any of it, but I stand behind the actions of everyone else. If you were offended or whatever, just lighten up, ok? Thanks.

If I ever get an idea again, smack me.