Things haven't been the best, lately. *mouth quirks*

My mother went in for her first chemotherapy session last week. She had an extremely bad reaction to the drugs she was given and spent three days in the hospital being violently ill. *sighs* My parents and I are taking turns telling each other what we hope are comforting lies to prevent the other side from getting too worried. This works poorly, to be quite honest, but that may be due to the fact that I'm a shitty liar.
They ask me to not worry, to know that Mom will be fine, that being in the hospital wasn't really a big deal. I tell them that of course Mom will be fine, and that I'm only stressed out because of the (very easy) classes I'm taking. I don't mention the hours I spend lying in bed staring at the ceiling trying not to think of anything, the food I've been compulsively stuffing myself with when I remember to eat, the days when I spend three hours running and cycling myself into the ground because obsessing about my weight is a lot easier for me to deal with than the fact that my parents are human, just like everyone else's.

I make lists, trying to inject some semblance of order into my life: lists of things I need to do for class, things I need to make, exercise schedules, food I should try to eat, anything that might give me some sort of schema, some plan.


  • Alter coat to fit me.
  • Learn how to make pleated skirt.
  • Finish second sock for long-delayed swap.
  • Make hat for Mom.
  • Knit something. Anything, at this point.
  • Start a damned painting.
  • Finish a painting from last semester.
  • Do anything creative, at this point.

  • Mon: BAC- spinning
  • Tue: Home- exercise video, light weights + abs
  • Wed: School gym- elliptical; Home - exercise video
  • Thu: School gym- elliptical*; Home - light weights + abs
  • Fri: BAC- spinning
  • Sat: Home- exercise video, light weights + abs
  • Sun: Home- exercise video

  • Do inter-library loan paperwork.
  • Get books for my research paper. Y'know, the one that's due at the end of the month.
  • Stop putting off take-home exam.
  • Hand in psych survey for extra credit.
  • Watch "Iron-Jawed Angels."
  • Clean my room.
  • Clean the fridge.
  • Sort out the mess that is my emotional life. (Ha.)
  • Survive.

Sometimes I follow them, sometimes I don't. Lately, I've been considering any day where I leave the house and get the things I am contractually obligated to take care of done something of a win. *mouth quirks* I know that things will get better eventually, but right now, you have no idea how good the idea of hiding until everything resolves itself, one way or another, sounds.

Ah, life. You do stop sucking at some point, right?