Today's my
birthday. I'm 22.
Feels about the same. I'm still short and grossly overweight, and still keep telling myself I have to do something about the latter while stuffing fatty foods down my throat. Still a cynical
atheist. Still depressed, or at least very unhappy. Still periodically go on crying jags for no discernible reason. Still a
loner, to some extent due to the fact that I simply never learned how to make friends. Still a
virgin.
Still telling total strangers more than they would ever want to know about me.
Oh, there is one new thing. As of tomorrow, I'll no longer have
medical insurance.
The only present I got was a copy of
Metroid: Zero Mission from my brother. He's living in
Las Vegas, so he mailed it and it came a few days ago. I've already beaten it.
My parents can't afford to get either of us anything; money is tight. (Of course, it might not be so tight if they hadn't made foolish purchases - like, say, a $3000 big-screen TV.) They told me they'd make up for it at
Hannukah. Frankly, I don't really care about presents, but they just reminded me that I'm going to spend another year pretending at religiosity, however half-heartedly. And I'm tired of it, desperately tired. But I don't trust them. For all their "tolerance", they almost disowned my brother when he
came out of the closet. It's just a good thing my parents aren't
Orthodox Jews or
Pentecostals or something.
A few days ago I ran into a friend (of sorts) that I hadn't seen since
high school. He's an
Iranian immigrant; I believe his family was accepted as political refugees - they're
Baha'i, which makes them a prime target for persecution in their homeland. We talked for a while, and traded
cell phone numbers and
email addresses. I'd like to stay in contact with him, but something tells me we'll just drift again. Because that's been the way of every friendship I've ever had.
I think I need to stop now. This is getting depressing, even for me.