I'm going to say some nice things about GentlemanJim
, like RoguePoet
, if only because I like a challenge
"Why?", you ask? "Should I call the police
?", you also ask. "This is clearly a hostage
situation." you decide.
No, not really. No hostages exist here except the ones I've built up in my head over the course of "knowing
" GJim on e2
The fact of the matter is I decided that I knew him based on what he wrote
here on this webhole, pretty much anonymously
. Which, if you think of it, is patently insane
. If you read what I wrote in the catbox archive, you would argue that I should be committed. Well, even moreso
Also, I'm doing it more for me
than for anybody else. That's my secret for writing
. I'm my favorite audience. I imagine that is true of most people.
Lastly, it is just a part of my stereotypical Canadian
makeup to find fault in myself for not really liking somebody. And at first, I really really didn't like Jim. Like seriously
. Way back in the good old days when he was IronGoth
(regardless about what he says about "not being there anymore"), me an Jimmy had some fiery knockdown dragout
matches in the catbox
. I started to stalk the box
and wait to pummel him with absolutely absurd accusations.
It became a circus
I've thought about why
. They say a life
unexamined blah blah blah
.... I just wanted to understand why this Internet
guy I never met, or seen, or even really cared about could make me go off like a firecracker
. I also wondered about why I cared that it did happen.
Right about here, this shit is gonna get iceowl
ly. Geta chair.
I see alot of what I didn't, and don't
, like about myself in Jim (I don't even really know his name, which I find comforting in a way). I have that conflict
going between wanting attention
at pretty much any cost and sealing myself off from everything I can't control
And the fact that we grew
up in pretty much the same society made me just boil. How could somebody that lived in Canada
believe the things that he was saying? That was another arrogance
on my part. Canadians have this strange moral superiority
when in comes to societal beliefs. The ingrained liberalism
of our education system makes a big deal about stereotypes
... it forms a idea in our heads that anybody that doesn't hang with the dogma is ignorant
. It also makes us masters of subtlety
when we air our dirty laundry
. It's institutionalized two-faced
ness, but you get used to it. You expect
it. And here is this guy just calling us on it, reveling in the most outrageous statements, and holding viewpoint
s that just curled my hair.
I hadn't even concieve
d that you could think the way Jimmy thought. It was anathema
to me. In a way. I wanted to believe that it was. But really, I know it's possible.
I grew up kind in a lower class
. I've seen people that stuck faithfully to their ignorance
, and I've also seen people that really didn't know any better
say terrible things about other races, places and countries. Is it there fault? Sometimes yes. Sometimes no. It's just how things are.
In responce, I railed
against him. I spewed vitriol
. I swore up and down that it was "him or me". I really really took it all to heart
. I even left
for a bit. I just couldn't take it.
Looking back, it was utterly retarded
I took all the theatre and forethought and wit out of my "performance
". Yeah yeah, ego
much? Thats the kicker. The whole thing showed me what it is to lose yourself to your ego
. I could just feel it, crawling up my throat, desperate to snatch the spotlight
back. If you give Jim any credit, you have to say that he knows how to get attention
. And I was a spoiled brat
that wanted his exclusive eyes back. dannye
made a comment that really raised the ugly mirror up for me, calling me on the tantrum
and saying it was my revenge for taking shit in high school. I guess it sort of was. It was also not fucking working, and lo and behold, he's still here.
But in the end, thats my baggage
. I'm never gonna love
GJim. I know that. But I am glad
, after the fact, that I've met him, because it has let me learn a bit about my self. You can take from that what you will. Do I think GJim is a nice guy? Not really, but it's not really my place to judge him for an audience
other than myself. Make your own decisions. It works on anybody.
(He is soooo gonna jabber about this for days. Fuck.