it's a pretty strange feeling you get when you only went to bed at 5am last night (morning) and only slept for 3½ hours. it's some kind of tiredness. but not usual tiredness. right now i just feel sort of
exhausted. my eyes are really sore and it would really be nice to go back to bed again and fall asleep and just
dream away. but most of us humans have duties during the day that must be taken care of.
right now i don't go to school but i have to meet my doctor in about half-an-hour. mostly it feels so useless going there. all we do is sit and talk about the some old stuff and he doesn't give me any advice or anything. probably he wants me to ask him but it feels kind of, hm,
pathetic to just throw myself down on my knees and beg "pleeeeeaaase, tell me how to feel!" right? you see,
psychologists are strange people. mighty strange and annoying people. they ask you tons of questions that you cannot answer - or questions you need to think about for at least five minutes which is pretty
embarrassing there right in front of somebody else. and when you try to figure out an answer they come with yet another question. and another. and another. it drives you nuts, i tell ya!
anyways, this is anyways how i feel before actually going there. when i'm there it's pretty ok to be able to talk to somebody about your problems (even if they are annoying little grey-haired men with worn-out tennis shoes)
sometimes we just sit quiet for a long time. he's waiting for me to say something but it's hard to come to a place when you're tired as hell and actually be forced to talk about your problems and emotions.
"well.. doctor.. i'm feeling tired today. what should i do with this strange emotion? it drives me insane!"