I've been acting kinda insane these past few weeks, and
it's made me reflect a lot on these ideas:
I interpret that as implying that underlying all emotions
of love there are some emotions of madness.
Loving someone
who is wrong for you, liking a person who is unhealthy for
you in so many ways, etc. And yet furthermore there is still some amount of rationalization underlying that madness. There are some reasons for why the maddening pain
can seem worth it in exchange for all of the good you see
in the person, and
all the wonderful things about them you can't stop wanting.
But I've learned recently that the rational hemispheres of
our brains, due to physiology, are always given an opportunity to interpose on our emotions. Which would seem to demand the inverse of the ideas in the previous paragraph. The order is reversed, that the love leads to madness; which leads to reasoning. Maybe it goes both ways. Maybe the little neural networks in our heads are full-duplex.
Maybe she reads my day logs? Maybe she'll find more reason not to love me because the above seems too boring
and analytical? Maybe I ought to mix in something else?
There's a spider outside on my window,
Annoying me.
I love it.
But I wish it would be replaced by rain,
Which I love more.
That's not very interesting, but she won't love me anyways so oh well.