Return to An Incomplete List of Untrue Facts (thing)

  • Manta rays periodically fly out of the ocean and coast along beaches, swooping down to kidnap children to take back into the sea.
  • Every year, thirty six people around the world are randomly selected to be abducted and interviewed by aliens. If even one of them is found morally wanting, the aliens will eradicate all life on the planet and try again from scratch. If the thirty six are all morally upstanding people, their memories of the interview will be erased and the aliens will move on. The Earth has been destroyed and regrown 89,670,042 times to date.
  • Manatees actually are mermaids. The beautiful fish-tailed women of myth are actually the manatee's larval stage, a stage lasting only one hour and thirty three minutes. Note: this stage only happens to wild manatees, as manatees in captivity skip immediately to the second stage of growth, Baby Sea Cowdom.
  • Backwards time travel is actually possible. As to why we aren't overrun with time travelers, the answer is simple: when a person is sent back in time, the natural time line of things eradicates their bodies and memory and has them reincarnate as a baby in that given period of time. The travelers never remember their past-future lives and often live and die the same as any other person of that time period. Despite future scientists' warnings, and despite having no idea as to what's happened to the other travelers before them, people keep hurtling themselves back in time to see what happens. Half the people reading this are amnesiac time travelers.
  • What people don't know about Disney's animated feature Peter Pan is that all the characters were actually rotoscoped. While the mermaids, pirates, and crocodile were just people in costumes (and an alligator in a crocodile costume), they actually hired a two dimensional pixie to be the model for Tinkerbell. The pixie's name is Leona Fatamerie and she's been under a strict contract with Disney ever since. She currently resides in Cinderella's castle in Disneyland.
  • I can see you.
  • The devil recently lost his soul to a twenty-seven year old stoner down in Arizona. Lucifer challenged the young man to a fiddle contest, same stakes as usual thinking him an easy target. The young man insisted that if he was playing for his soul, then the devil should put up his own soul as well. The devil agreed, and only after, during the young man's solo, realized that in an ironic twist, the man he was playing was the reincarnation of Niccolò Paganini.
    The young man, for his part, had never held a violin in his life and had assumed the strange bearded man with hooves was part of some new reality TV show. He keeps Lucifer's soul wrapped up in cellophane in the back of his kitchen's junk drawer.
  • Every frog in the history of existence has actually been a bespelled prince from another dimension, turned into a frog by their unhappy wives. Unfortunately, they only regain their human shape when kissed with tongue, something that has only happened a handful of times in human history. The reason they were turned into frogs? For being such lousy husbands.
  • Every hundred thousand and first person born on this Earth has what is colloquially referred to as a 'stupid reflection'. For every action that person makes while in view of a mirror, their reflection will try, and fail, to match. Some reflections are too slow- the slowest recorded being a full three seconds behind its owner. Others, 'eager reflections' rush ahead of their owners, anticipating what they intend to do with exact accuracy. Others, 'reverse reflections' will use the same hand as their owners (ex: a left handed individual having a left handed reflection), resulting in reflections that are technically accurate, but reversed. Nobody knows what causes Stupid Reflections, but the people who have them tend to anthropomorphise them.
    "The poor thing's trying its best," says Amanda Duran, 42, sufferer of Slow Reflection. "I think it just gets confused sometimes. I can tell it still doesn't understand what a eyelash curlers are for: every time I use them, she gets this worried look on her face."
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