There's this guy I like. Who is also my friend. I really like him a lot, and
I'm scared to death of what havoc he could wreak in my life, whether he likes me back or not.
He terrifies me because of how far he has gotten inside the camp of my main defenses and how little I became aware of it. What terrifies me more is the possibility that he may have done this without really wanting to. As though it's something fun and recreational to do, playing with my heart. And all the time I can't really blame him or get mad at him. After all, I granted him passage.
He makes me second think my words, regret my statements, feel the least confident about my validity. With him I am the least sure.
I'm sure love does not feel like this, but maybe a crush does. It's been so long, I've all but forgotten.
And yet, for the first time in a while, I feel alive.