EYES ONLY
Col. Evilbastard
Paramilitary Division
Secret Bunker
Level -37
C/o Abandoned-looking Warehouse
Incognito Street
Nowheresville
Re: Resignation of Agent 36871 Aka: Tarquinious
Dear Sir,
For the past 3 years I have worked within your division to the best of my abilities. I have especially enjoyed the use of the new technologies and constant womanising. However, I have always felt a slight dissatisfaction with the lack of assassinations and take-overs of foreign powers. It is for this reason that I have accepted a position with the guerrilla front.
Please accept this as my resignation, giving a week’s notice, after which I will disappear without a trace. I will, of course, be relinquishing my rocket-powered, remote controlled BMW Z3, my Tag with built in laser, and all sundry trick equipment (such as the exploding ball point pen, cufflinks with homing device and briefcase with built in DVD player, including all R-rated movies with multiple camera angles). I do, however, respectfully request to retain my 00 status, as this is considered a prerequisite for my next role.
Respectfully yours,
Agent 36871
Tarquinious
PS: Will the Agency be arranging the removal of the cyanide capsule built into my false molar, or should I visit my local orthodontist?