Asparagus. Such a simple, innocent little word, it seems. Tasteful, you say? Perhaps.
Let us investigate.
As Webster states, the etymology of the word 'asparagus' is quite complex. It stems from the Late Middle English 'sperage' which was derived from the Medieval latin 'sparagus' and means 'to swell'. The lengthy veggies certainly have high H20-content - which makes them terrible drums stick by the way - so no discrepancies there. What then, is the cause of my agony?
Well, first of all, 'asparagus' doesn't quite sound like something edible,
does it?. How many foods end on '-us'? It's a word more suited for an
illness, I reckon, or a Roman emperor at best.
Emperor
Julius Gaius Asparagus. If only he had existed. We'd have thirteen
months of which one would be named
'Asparagust'. Maybe he'd be a warlord and a terror to all his foes. Kindly suspend
your disbelief:
Somewhere, in a war struck province of the Roman empire, 40 BC...
A tent flap opens, and a messenger hurries in, covered in the
detritus of battle. Sweat drips down his forehead and stings his eyes.
He kneels before his superior.
"Sir, the legions of Asparagus have defeated our forces! They were numerous and well prepared"
The leader sits upon his chair, lost and weary, and then spits into his cup angrily.
"Damn that Asparagus!," He mutters. "One of these days I will have
my vengeance, mark my words. I will eat this Asparagus alive!"
Meanwhile in the distance, shouts can be heard..: "Asparagus! Asparagus! Asparagus! Hail Asparagus!"
Ha ha..
I digress. Did you know that pronounced backwards, the word sounds like "sugar wraps-ah"? You learn every day, they say.
More precisely, the reverse forms the words: sugar apsa. And let
that very APSA be the acronym for American Political Science
Association. A sweet bunch they are indeed, controlling your
education and your food, changing you from the inside.*
And they make your wee-wee stink.
*Actually, they don't. Really.