Van Halen (thing)
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I bought Van Halen I
"Van Halen" is a 1996 single by Nerf Herder, taken from their self titled, debut album. The song ostensibly describes both the band's initial enthusiasm for Van Halen, then their disillusionment after Sammy Hagar was chosen to replace vocalist David Lee Roth. The song not only serves as a tribute to Van Halen's early works, but due to its lyrics, which heavily reference classic Van Halen albums, lyrics, and song titles, is also a tongue-in-cheek pastiche of Van Halen's discography. Furthermore, it is darn catchy! In fact, it's widespread radio circulation managed to secure Nerf Herder their first (and only) major record deal, with Arista Records signing the band and re-releasing their first album.
Yes, before Nerf Herder was known as "that band that did the Buffy theme song", they were known as "that band that did that Van Halen song". As the song proliferated, Nerf Herder was thrust into the limelight. Parry Gripp, guitarist and vocalist, seemed the natural choice as spokesman for the band. In an Entertainment Weekly article published in November of '96, Parry was given the floor, an opportunity to voice his thoughts and the thoughts of his band mates. Not much surprise then, the article opened with the quote: "Everyone hates Sammy Hagar -- who doesn't?"(1).
Of course, it would require a special kind of person to take Nerf Herder seriously. After all, in "Sorry" (listed two songs prior to "Van Halen" on the album) Parry bemoans the apparent loss of a girlfriend, and, in hopes of reconciliation, serenades: "Sorry I saw you and I heard birds sing / Sorry I touched you and I heard bells ring / Sorry I jacked off outside of your window / While you were sleeping / I thought you'd never know". In concluding the article, Parry added, "We're riding the rock-star train right now''(1).
In response, Sammy Hagar called Parry, Charlie and Steve "faggots"(4). Later, the band asked Hagar to appear in the "Van Halen" music video. He replied, "After your 13th platinum album, sure, I'll be glad to," seemingly advising the fledging band to postpone production until they had enough cred in the music industry to be equally as overblown and pompous(2). On the other hand, word was both Alex and Eddie Van Halen liked the song.
And regardless, Parry and crew were hardly alone in their opinion; Hagar's alleged talent and charm was failing to click with the critical community as well. After catching a Van Halen show, for instance, Joel Selvin of the San Francisco Chronicle remarked bluntly that "(Hagar) kinda fucked up the band, now this is mundane as hell"(3). The Red Rocker, not one to leave a slight unavenged, retaliated by leaking Selvin's personal phone number during the following night's performance. As Selvin recalled: "for weeks afterwards, I got these obscene, profane messages...'Fuck you, you cocksucker,' beep. 'You slimy shit,' beep." Cut to 1999, three years later. Nerf Herder's mainstream success was waning, and when their attempts at a follow-up album failed to impress the folks at Arista the way "Van Halen" had, they chose to leave the label before the label could leave them. They instead settled in with Honest Don Records, a subsidiary label of Fat Wreck Chords, who would go on to produce Nerf Herder's two subsequent albums, How to Meet Girls and American Cheese. However, while our trio basked in the freedom of an indie label, a spectre still loomed over Sammy Hagar. May 26th, 1999, the San Francisco Weekly published an article about Hagar by one Jack Boulware, entitled "The Red Menace". While it appears quite flattering (I say 'appears', because at five pages in length, the article exceeds my tolerance for Sammy Hagar nostalgia by four and a half pages), this belated valentine to Hagar's tenacity remains gloriously germane, if but for a moment, to our topic. With about as much sport as sixteenth century bear-baiting, the subject of "Van Halen" is broached; Boulware writes that Hagar first sat up in his chair, "chewing his gum more furiously", then fired off the following:
As for Parry Gripp, the loyal opposition? "He actually referred to us as 'fuckers,'" Parry recollects. "That's a pretty cool thing. But I don't remember feeling really bad about it. I don't think Sammy Hagar sucks. It was some sort of lame-ass thing that I said. Flippant"(3).
Song Name: Van Halen Sources
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