Today, I find myself thinking about
her. It was a year ago today she was in
New York, and I cried to myself alone at night. Because I knew her distance from me
wasn't just geographical. I collapsed upon myself, totally
alone, and no one to talk to. I wrote to myself, about her, pages and pages... endless thoughts. The end of
that day:
''i need her to exist, to stay alive. to have reason. to stay sane. but she doesn't need or want me. no one does. my god, no one does. do you know what it's like to have no one? do you know what it's like to love someone so deeply and have none of it returned? the utter SUFFERING cannot be related in the written word.
how can i relate to you my anguish? how can i? it's virtually impossible. to have the person you love more than anything feel nothing. YOU cannot understand. if i am reading this many years from now and laughing at myself, then i want you to remember, david, i want you to remember how you lived for this girl. how looking from inside the box, the world was so bleak.
david, don't ever forget the pain.''
I haven't, and
I never will.