5:15 AM, Route 106/107,
Jericho, NY.
Asshole Nassau County Police Officer: License and registration,
please.
RimRod: I haven't received my registration card for this car
yet; I just bought it three days ago. I have my driver's license
and temporary insurance card.
Officer: Okay. I'll be right back.
The officer goes to his car and looks up my info, then walks back
to my car.
Officer: Do you know why I pulled you over?
RimRod: Actually, no I don't. I don't think I was speeding.
Officer: You weren't...but I saw you take a sip out of your
beer while you were driving.
RimRod: WHAT?! Oh...you must mean this bottle of water
I was drinking from.
Officer: Let me see that.
The officer takes my bottled water and sniffs it, seeing that it
is in fact just plain old water.
Officer: Hrumph. Have you been drinking tonight?
RimRod: No.
Officer: Will you consent to a search of your car?
RimRod: Knock yourself out.
Officer Dickwad spends five minutes searching my vehicle.
Officer: Hrumph. Would you mind stepping out of the vehicle?
RimRod: Okay.
I get out of my car and prepare for the Field Sobriety Test.
Officer: Walk along this straight line.
RimRod: Okay.
I walk straight.
Officer: Switch off touching each of your index fingers to your
nose.
RimRod: Okay.
I touch my fingers to my nose.
Officer: Say the alphabet backwards.
RimRod: ZYXWVUTSRQP...O...look, I'm sober and I can barely
do this. I'm not drunk, okay?!
Officer: Hrumph. Will you consent to taking a breathalyzer?
RimRod: Sure, why not.
I walk to the trunk of the officer's car and blow in the thin plastic
tube of the breathalyzer. The machine dutifully informs me that
I have a 0.00 Blood Alcohol Level.
Officer: Hrumph. I guess you can go.