(misery loves company)

coming clean

The bathtub spoke to them, calling out their names and begging for the company of an arse sitting on its face. "Fill me with your luke-warm water, dribble your thick semen into a washcloth. Masturbate with the thought of your cock shoved deep into my faucet," it implored in a gentle tone.

Only one would answer the plea. Stepping into the room which caged the chipped and aging tub, Hoax left his robe on the floor. His flaccid state angered the tub, and it began to talk dirty to turn him on.

"Mmmm," it moaned, "your ass is so firm". Hoax had turned his back to the tub to look into the mirror on the wall, probably hoping for a genie to talk back to him.

"I'd wish you'd rub it all over my face." The tub continued, "Why don't you show me your cock? I know you have a beautiful penis." At this Hoax's face reddened slightly; the dirty talk was working and he didn't understand why.

"You're going to play hard to get, aren't you? I like that. Put the plug into my drain?" Hoax stood almost motionless, only his pulsing erection showing any life; his face was now pale. Turning on his heel, Hoax spotted, almost immediately, the grimy rubber stopper on the side of the tub farthest away from him.

"Mmm," the tub moaned again, "Just step a bit closer, and reach across me to get that plug." Hoax did just that; first his shin gently touched the porcelain side, then he carefully placed his knee on to it and balanced himself as he leaned over and grabbed the plug.

"Put it in my drain, please..."

Hoax lowered both knees to the mat lying on the floor next to the tub; he was now praying to this basin. Slowly, he shuffled himself closer, and for the first time his hot cock-head touched the tub.

They both moaned.

It took a moment for his mind to clear enough that he could continue this act, bending over and dropping the plug into place.

"Now we need some water. Turn my controls until the water is comfortable for you." Hoax had no trouble with this; he was already feeling a whole lot more comfortable - something new had taken over his mind.

The water flowed for several minutes, and the tub filled, making only an occasional muffled moan. When the water finally reached the right level, Hoax gripped at the controls tightly and turned them hard, making sure they would not allow any water to drip through the faucet.

He stood back up, and there was a moment of hesitation before he lifted his leg off the mat and stepped on the bottom of the tub. Some brief, unknown thought passed through his mind, then he moved.

"Yes, yes. Sit, sit." The bathtub's anticipation was obvious.

Slowly, he lowered himself into the waters, which despite the tub's urgings were warmer than he'd hoped. Carefully, he sank in; water creeping up his calves, lapping at his thighs. It certainly wasn't cold, so why was the hair on his lanky limbs sticking straight gooseflesh?

Minutes, hours later, his legs succumbed and the rest of his body, from groin to neck, slid without friction into the waters, burning with some unseen heat. The water wasn't that hot when it came out of the tap - perhaps the heat was coming from within his own body?

The tub had been silent for several minutes, almost enough time for Hoax to sink into the oblivion of the bathing ritual, when he gradually became aware of a strange turbulence around his legs. Opening his eyes a hair's breadth, he plumbed the tub's depths but saw nothing.

He slid his hand down the side of the bathtub towards his feet, probing to see the cause of the underwater disturbance. He didn't make it very far, however, as his passing curiosity as to the source of the current was completely forgotten upon discovering beneath his fingers' caresses that the tub was slowly pulsing. It was that or the veins in his head driven to bursting by the rock-hard erection he was gradually becoming aware of having maintained.

His senses blurred momentarily as in a head rush and when he managed to close his mouth and open his eyes, straightning his arched back, he found that he was methodically stroking the side of the tub. Through some unknown force of hydrodynamics, this action was resulting in direct stimulation of his genitals, as the friendly waters gently ran over and around him, enveloping him like no lover could.

The pace remained slackened, with the calm restraining effect of the waters extending the experience. Time went on uncounted, but the waters in the tub didn't seem to lose their heat. Still, there was slow and gradual change. At the point where Hoax realized that he had been trying to trace patterns into the porcelain of the basin with his fingernails, his breath was taken away by a sensation so delicate that he might nearly have climaxed, discharged his own fluid in with the oiled and perfumed waters had he not been interrupted.

A sudden noise made him draw back his hand in reflex. He looked towards the door of the bathroom, but to think that he might have been observed would be ludicrous. He glanced into the mirror for insight but the image was so distorted by steam as to render his visibility negligible.

He looked up, realizing too late the source of the curious noise. The shower, acting on its own, seperated the amorous couple with a blast of ice. Hoax instinctively scrambled out of the tub and onto the tiled floor of the dingy bathroom, his erect member swinging numb and dead between his legs like a paralyzed limb.

His panting gasps for a return to his former state of security were contrasted by rasping whispers from the stained metal showerhead.

"What of me? What of the rest of us? How can you enjoy the services of a bathroom while depriving the rest of us from your rarest of recompenses?"

The toilet clanked its lid in accordance and gurgled menacingly.


Too many semicolons, five-dollar words and the whole faux-literary tone. "Hoax?" "Hydrodynamics?" An age-16 experiment between (mostly) myself and (first few paragraphs) Travis Hildebrandt I was afraid to stop.
If you must sound it out, the tub should have a William S. Burroughs voice.