A while ago, my computer began to act strangely. Freezing, crashing, doing random weird things... I didn't understand. I didn't know what to do. I couldn't control it. Then, a friend suggested....
A MICROSOFT EXORCISM!!!!!!!!
There are a few simple steps to this process. A Linux guru should be present, along with his or her necessary materials to preside over the exorcism. The guru will generally have a CD-ROM with some Linux distribution on it. Generally, Microsoft exorcisms occur after the consumption of the ceremonial Big Rock beers. In fact, it is generally the consumption of the beer in the presence of the Linux guru that will lead to the exorcism. If you wish, you can turn the lights out and use candles instead (not necessary, but fun).
The first important step is fighting your way to a DOS prompt. In Windows, this is usually found somewhere in the depths of the start menu. Once you have found the mystical DOS prompt, carefully type:
format c:
and hit the enter key. There will be a series of questions, which are a test of your will to perform the exorcism. Be brave!! The Microsoft demon will try to tell you how frightening and bad things will be; but fear not if the Linux guru is by your side.
At this point, it is advised that the Linux guru take over. Installation can be tricky for a newbie. You are now on a path to a Microsoft-free computer! Congratulations!!
Yes, I know that it's not actually necessary to format your hard drive, you can just partition Windows out of existence. It's just more fun this way, dammit!