I need a banana chocolate chip muffin and I hate that I can't get one.
What fiend is keeping the muffins from me, you ask? What fiend would make it so that anyone anywhere would not be able to have a banana chocolate chip muffin? I have been muffin-free for days and here is why:
I have been working in the same building for nearly 10 years now. The first floor of my office building is actually a Vie de France bakery. So, I've been getting breakfast there for as long as I can remember. My usual breakfast has changed over the years. I used to love the chocolate almond croissants until they stopped putting chocolate inside the croissant. Then I went to chocolate croissants, then blueberry muffins, then cranberry muffins and chocolate chip muffins. Yum. Somehow I finally found the utterly perfect banana chocolate chip muffin. Yum plus fiber = breakfast.
Well, a week or so ago, something happened at the Vie de France that made it so that I can no longer go there and it sucks and I’m pissed and I miss my muffins. One of the managers of the Vie de France is a very tall, well-dressed and happy African man. He has a cool accent, so I think he is from one of the African countries where they speak French. He was always very nice to me. Smiles and hellos and knew what I wanted before I told him. Well, the niceness turned into a handshake whenever I went in. Ok, fine. I didn’t think much of it. He is nice. He is happy. He must be like this with everyone. Then one day, he was not behind the register, he was cleaning up a table out on the floor. He came up to me and put out his hand like usual. This time, though, the handshake turned into a hug. He pulled me in for a big hug. A bear hug. He held me there, in that hug for what seemed like forever. I was stunned. I am married. I am happily married. I don’t even hug my male friends. I certainly do not hug strange men who sell me muffins.
I tried to shrug it off. I tried to think, oh, he is like this with everyone. But what kept coming back to my mind was that during this hug when I felt like it would be rude to recoil, he could feel my body against his and this was completely inappropriate. I immediately told my husband and he gave me the male point of view. I sometimes forget that yes, I am a girl. I have always been a plump girl, so it has always been easy to sort of de-sexualize myself when it comes to men other than my husband. Since I started losing weight, I have found myself in these situations more and more. Situations where men are interested in me and I have to react. My hubby said that I need to think of it from this guy's perspective. He is hugging an attractive girl. He is touching someone who he is attracted to, someone with large breasts. "Maybe he is just a nice guy," I tell my hubby. "You shouldn't chance it, he tells me. It is better to make sure you do not lead him on," he says. In other words, don't be a muffin-whore.
Anyway. I am sick that my attempts to not think of myself as female first have made me so naive. I thought it would free me from these situations. If I don't go looking for attention from strange men, I won't get it.
I was wrong. And now I have no banana chocolate chip muffins.