So I've been reading the Bible lately, trying to figure out where exactly Bible-exhorting types get out of it the views that they do, particularly about the far reaches of time -- the beginning of the universe, and the "end-times". I have come up with some thoughts that at least perplex (if not outright confounding) so called Young Earth Creationists and end-timers.

First, I contend that The Bible, if properly interpreted, says the Earth is over 2.5 billion years old -- 2 Peter 3:8 says: But, beloved, be not ignorant of this one thing, that one day is with the Lord as a thousand years, and a thousand years as one day.

But waaaait a second, that's just the more recent translation, let's look at the original Koine Greek:

ΠΕΤΡΟΥ Β΄ 3:8: εν δε τουτο μη λανθανετω υμας αγαπητοι οτι μια ημερα παρα κυριω ως χιλια ετη και χιλια ετη ως ημερα μια

The original Greek uses "και" to mean "and" -- but (and I must stress that I'm almost completely making this part up) "και" is used as a multiplier in this sense -- in the same sense that I could say a year is 365 days and 24 hours are in a day (and therefore a year is 8,760 hours). So isn't Peter really saying that one day to God is like a thousand years, and each day of each of those thousand years is like a thousand of our years?

In other words, a day to God is 365,000 intermediate days (angelic days, maybe, or cosmic days), but then every single one of those 365,000 days is like a thousand of our years! So, one day to God is 365 million of our years, and seven of God's days (remembering that other than the Creation, none of the events in Genesis take place until after the seventh day) is 2,555,000,000 of our years (give or take the 6,000 that are supposedly covered by the descendants of Adam).

Remembering also that Genesis begins with God separating the land from the waters on a pre-existing planet (and that Earth may have been created aeons and aeons after the rest of the Universe), this is not particularly far out of the context of scientists' estimate of when life began.

Now, at the other end of the spectrum, I have calculated that, if the Bible is correct, then the end times will come in the year A.D. 28508. This is derived as follows: the Death of Methuselah and Noah's flood occur in 2348 B.C., according to Bishop Ussher's supposedly infallible calculation of Bible chronology. Ussher further calculates the year of the Exodus from Egypt as 1492 B.C. (how neatly that butterflies Columbus!), followed by 40 years in the desert, lasting until 1452 B.C. Now, Exodus 20:4-6 admonishes:

You shall not make for yourself an idol in the form of anything in heaven above or on the earth beneath or in the waters below. You shall not bow down to them or worship them; for I, the LORD your God, am a jealous God, punishing the children for the sin of the fathers to the third and fourth generation of those who hate me, but showing love to a thousand generations of those who love me and keep my commandments.

That could just be a metaphorical exaggeration, but as it turns out there are many, many other Biblical references to this "thousand generations" to follow the introduction of the covenant, in Deuteronomy 5:9-11 and 7:8-10, and in 1 Chronicles and Psalms as well, specifically saying God will "keep His covenant for a thousand generations". God's inspired scribe could just as easily have said 500, or 10,000 generations (if we figure that a generation averages about 30 years, we are only now fewer than 70 generations away from Jesus, and maybe 120 away from Mount Sinai) if there were to be a larger or smaller number of generations counted, but for the Bible to be true there must be at least one thousand.

But how long is a generation really? It can not reasonably be less than, say, 13 years (the average age for reproduction even in Biblical times must have been higher than that, even if Mary was only 14 when God forced- er- impregnated her). But not every first born child of every generation lives to reproduce (some are otherwise prevented from reproducing) and some lines die out -- and in addition, the time of a generation has increased significantly with people not getting married until later and later, a trend that appears likely to continue. I think it reasonable to call a generation on average about 30 years, by which calculation a thousand generations would be about 30,000 years.

I have also worked a bit on counting the generations. The Bible (specifically Luke 3:21-38) purports to name all the figures in the line from Adam to Jesus -- including, of course, Abraham, the man with whom the Bible says the covenant was first made:

21 Now when all the people were baptized, it came to pass, that Jesus also being baptized, and praying, the heaven was opened, 22 And the Holy Ghost descended in a bodily shape like a dove upon him, and a voice came from heaven, which said, Thou art my beloved Son; in thee I am well pleased. 23 And Jesus himself began to be about thirty years of age, being (as was supposed) the son of Joseph, which was the son of Heli, 24 Which was the son of Matthat, which was the son of Levi, which was the son of Melchi, which was the son of Janna, which was the son of Joseph, 25 Which was the son of Mattathias, which was the son of Amos, which was the son of Naum, which was the son of Esli, which was the son of Nagge, 26 Which was the son of Maath, which was the son of Mattathias, which was the son of Semei, which was the son of Joseph, which was the son of Juda, 27 Which was the son of Joanna, which was the son of Rhesa, which was the son of Zorobabel, which was the son of Salathiel, which was the son of Neri, 28 Which was the son of Melchi, which was the son of Addi, which was the son of Cosam, which was the son of Elmodam, which was the son of Er, 29 Which was the son of Jose, which was the son of Eliezer, which was the son of Jorim, which was the son of Matthat, which was the son of Levi, 30 Which was the son of Simeon, which was the son of Juda, which was the son of Joseph, which was the son of Jonan, which was the son of Eliakim, 31 Which was the son of Melea, which was the son of Menan, which was the son of Mattatha, which was the son of Nathan, which was the son of David, 32 Which was the son of Jesse, which was the son of Obed, which was the son of Booz, which was the son of Salmon, which was the son of Naasson, 33 Which was the son of Aminadab, which was the son of Aram, which was the son of Esrom, which was the son of Phares, which was the son of Juda, 34 Which was the son of Jacob, which was the son of Isaac, which was the son of Abraham {HERE HE IS!}, which was the son of Thara, which was the son of Nachor, 35 Which was the son of Saruch, which was the son of Ragau, which was the son of Phalec, which was the son of Heber, which was the son of Sala, 36 Which was the son of Cainan, which was the son of Arphaxad, which was the son of Sem, which was the son of Noe, which was the son of Lamech, 37 Which was the son of Mathusala, which was the son of Enoch, which was the son of Jared, which was the son of Maleleel, which was the son of Cainan, 38 Which was the son of Enos, which was the son of Seth, which was the son of Adam, which was the son of God.

Aside from the fact that some of those names are ridiculously contrived, from Abraham to Jesus, that's about, what, 55 generations? Even if the dates were off, the number of generations is documented up until the birth of Christ, and we pretty much know when that was supposed to have happened, at least within a few years. Definitely within a few "generations."

By the Biblical experts' calculations 3,499 years have passed since God handed the Ten Commandments to Moses. That most likely leaves 26,501 years left to go, hence A.D. 28508. Even if even if a generation were, in fact, 13 years -- and every first born child of every generation were to survive and reproduce at the earliest possible age -- that would leave 945 generations after Jesus, so 12,285 years, or over 10,275 years to go. That gives enough time for all of the events foretold by the prophets of Star Trek to occur, and plenty of time for some new redeemer to come and wipe away all of our future sins, so I'm just gonna lay back and enjoy life.