Transported 500 years into the future due to a freak mishap aboard the Ranger
3, the last of NASA
's deep space probes, things could have been a lot worse for Buck Rogers
. He could have been enslaved by the Trogg People of Xarton IV, or cooked and eaten by a malevolent Flaiger Beast on the volcanic moon
s of Platsus VII. Instead, he gets saved by the Directorate and made a fighter pilot
, and on top of that, he's fawned over by his superior officer Wilma Deering
, and his arch-nemesis Princess Ardala
, in some weird
, outer space love triangle
Buck Rogers was the like the Austin Powers of the 25th Century - women wanted him, and men wanted to be like him. But Buck Rogers, in reality, was a sadistic human being who took pleasure in ridiculing others.
The main goal of the Directorate was to protect the planet Earth, right? But in their down time, when they weren't being attacked by every man-in-a-cheap-alien-suit or scantilly-clad-warrior-tribeswoman, they attempted to piece together the history of our planet - what happened before all of the great world wars. And as luck would have it, they've got a genuine 20th century Earth man to help! But the truth is, when Buck wasn't busy insulting his diminutive robot sidekick Twiki, he was supplying a steady stream of misinformation to Ms. Deering and the good doctor. Blenders, cookware, cordless drills - nothing was safe from the inventive and deviously deceptive mind of the 20th century Earth man.
So you've got Wilma, dressed in that somehow strangely erotic blue jumpsuit, running down a long hallway in the Archives looking for Buck, with this child-like look of sheer excitement in her wild blue eyes, and a small object in her left hand. She hands the object to Buck for examination, and it becomes obvious to you and I (and Buck) that it is a normal, everyday hair dryer, retail value approximately $18.99. "Must have been some sort of primitive energy weapon, huh Buck?" says our excited Captain Deering, looking eagerly for approval. And
with a glance back at the camera and a twinkle in his eye, Buck replies, "Oh, yes. Very dangerous. Be careful with that."
What the hell is that matter with Buck? He's
ruining these future people's historical representation
of us, and laughing all the while! "Ha ha!" says Buck,
"I can't ever get back to the 20th century, so I will
ruin it for everyone else!" Good one, Buck. But you
have to hand it to the man - he's pretty slick, pretending
he's the good guy and all. By maintaining the good-guy
façade, Buck could easily fool those amateur archaeologists into believing that a table saw was in fact a primitive torture tool.
Buck won't be laughing so hard when he discovers a time machine that could send him back home, and Doctor Theopolis tells him it's for making cappucino. Will you, Buck? Huh? It's not so funny now, is it, Buck?