I can't speak for every man here (or anywhere else, for that matter), but JayBonci
definitely spoke for me- for the most part. There are some other things that I,
personally, want from a woman.
I want her to inspire me.
That could mean artistic inspiration, kicking my ass in gear when I'm behind on
some responsibility, reminding me of the good things in life... inspiration takes
many forms and comes at odd angles, but if she inspires me at all then
I consider myself to be fairly lucky- even if she inspires me to leave.
I want her to laugh.
She doesn't have to laugh at my jokes. She doesn't have to laugh at the silly
things in movies. She doesn't have to laugh at anything that doesn't genuinely
amuse her. Certainly she will laugh at me from time to time because, let's
face it, I screw up probably more than I should get away with. I just would be
overyjoyed to be involved with a woman who truly appreciates the good things
that come across our path and isn't shy about sharing it with others. Believe
it or not I actually get a kick out of a woman who walks into a room and goes,
"You know what I just saw today? A double-rainbow. Isn't that just amazing?
It made me smile all day long." Laughter is something I personally feel
that is found in the heart rather than in a mouth- be she glad of heart, then
I be glad of spirit!
I want her to love.
There are so many women out there that I've met who have lousy relationships
with their parents (one or both of them). To me, that's a serious red-flag.
You see, I'm looking for a woman who wants to be a mother and a wife someday.
If she's got "issues" with her parents and can't work beyond them,
then what makes me think she'll do any better when it's her turn to raise
children (with me, of course)? Somewhere in my gut I suspect that parenthood
is something that requires confidence, courage, love and conviction- hating
one's parents without any really serious reason (and I'm talking abuse
and such) doesn't indicate to me that she possesses those qualities. I want a
woman who realizes that when it's her turn to be a parent she'll be no more equipped
than her own parents were when they were bringing her up. Mine weren't,
yours weren't, hers weren't; there is no amount of preparation that a person
can have for child-rearing. At least that's what "they" tell me. But
being able to love, first her family then herself, is a primary consideration
I want her to grow.
There are some people in the world that feel women mature faster than men.
This may indeed be true, but even if it is that does not mean a woman is
completely mature or where she wants to be in life. When my mother was going through
drug rehab she kept saying, like a mantra, "Admitting that I have a problem
is the first step." I feel that maturity is somewhat similar in
that regard. When a person can easily and readily admit that they don't
have all the answers, then they're far better off and further down the road of
maturity than most people. But just being able to say that, on cue, isn't enough.
It's a mindset. No matter how much good advice a person can give, the reason they
usually end up giving such good advice is because they know they don't
know jack shit. As long as the woman I love is aware that she will always
be growing and learning, well into her 80's, then I have utter and complete confidence
I want her to be independent, a complete person.
I know what that sounds like- a recipe for disaster. "If she's already
independent, what does she need me around for?" The answer to that
question is simple, if you stop to think about it: "Because she loves me."
Co-dependence sucks, if you don't already know. If the woman I'm with doesn't
have a mind of her own and doesn't know how to use it for her own sake, then
forget it. I have a hard enough time trying to figure out what I
want out of life without having to make those kinds of decisions for someone else
who's liable to change her mind once a month. If she can't sort out on her own
where she's going in life and what she wants, then it's a sure bet than I
am the last person to know.
But, again, this is just what I want out of a woman. Like I said, I can't
speak for every male out there. Each guy, just like each woman, is wired differently.
Some men want sex all the time and don't care what kind of brain comes along
with a beautiful woman as long as she "puts out." Some guys want the
female version of Einstein. Some guys want "Suzy home-maker." You
can't nail it down to a list of simple criteria. "Contest applies only in
some states, chances of winning may vary." Ya know?