So today I turn 28. May 29, 1973 I was brought into this world under less
than ideal circumstances. It's a long story and I'm not going to go into
it- suffice it to say that my parentage is not something that always sits
well with me.
I've decided to quit smoking. Not because of some sort of health kick or
fear of dying or anything like that. It's really quite simple. Cigarettes
don't have a any positive effect on me. Some people contend that it makes them
feel calmer when faced with stress. I, too, thought like that... until yesterday, that is. I started thinking about it, though. When I was younger
and didn't smoke, what did I do to relieve stress? Too young
to drink at the time and drugs were barely an idea in my head. I simply dealt with it and moved on. Back then I didn't need a
crutch to think straight; I just got my shit together
on my own. Cigarettes won't make me smarter, wiser, stronger, faster, kinder,
more charismatic, more responsible, richer, healthier... point in
fact, they take up a lot of my time, they make my clothes and breath stink,
damage my lungs, make me irritable, cost a lot, detract from my
attractibility and leave a smoggy film on the inside of my car windshield or
my monitor screen. Since I don't need them, why have I been bothering to hold
so tightly on to them? No real good reason comes to mind. So I'm quitting.
Enough is enough.
I don't know what I'm going to do for my 28th birthday. I know I'll be going
to work, but beyond that the day is unwritten and
unplanned. I don't have a girlfriend to go out with, so there's no one to
really share it with. Perhaps I'll go see a movie- but it seems kinda pathetic
to go to a movie alone on your birthday, doesn't it? Yeah, sure, I'll probably
end up at Cafe Coco just like I do every other night.
I'm getting into a rut. My new job is all well and good, but... well...
I'm getting kinda bored with doing the same things day in and day out. I need
something new and a little more interesting in my life right now than this
job. Who am I kidding? I need a real life, not
this fabricated fascimile of a life people think I lead. My real name isn't
even Jay, for crying out loud. Jay is little more than a childhood/teenage
character I created when I moved to Dallas while in the throes of a teen-angst
identity crisis. I need to get back to being me, the real me.
Jeremy.
Hmmm... it's not really that bad a name, is it? Jeremy. Jeremias. Jeremiah.
Jerome. Many wonderful variants of my name exist. I need to be me again. The
child is gone and I'm finally coming into my own as a man, it's time to be
me for a change.
Hi. Nice to meet you, World. I'm Jeremy Seals. Wanna hear a story or two?
I've got a lot of 'em, just waiting to come out.